School District Arms Children with Rocks to Combat School Shooters

Guns are wrong. Schools should be gun-free zones. That means no guns. We don’t need armed security, much less armed teachers. That would turn schools into prison camps. The NRA has bribed people to argue that this policy encourages maniacs to attack defenseless schools with guns. However, a solution to that has been found. From Pennsylvania:

Blue Mountain School District Superintendent David Helsel made headlines recently after testifying to lawmakers at the state capitol that his students could be armed with rocks in case of an active shooter lockdown.

“Every classroom has been equipped with a five-gallon bucket of river stone,” Helsel told lawmakers. “If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance into any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full students armed with rocks and they will be stoned.”

This solution was not settled upon without some thought.

Helsel said another district had recommended using golf balls, but he didn’t like that idea because they would bounce around whereas the rocks are shaped in a way to hit and fall after being thrown.

The rock policy is guaranteed to be just as effective as further tightening gun laws when it comes to preventing school shootings.

But like the endless scream of anti–Second Amendment propaganda that has been blasting from the media since Parkland, the point is not to defend against school shootings. More likely, the point here is to provide a concrete reminder to children that they face the imminent threat of being murdered by someone with a gun at any time (although even WaPo has admitted that school shootings are “extraordinarily rare”). This will help to instill hoplophobia, in the hope that this generation will be the last to defend our precious right of self-defense.

On tips from Heckrules, Chronos Z. Wonderpig, Bodhisattva, Jester, and Guy B.

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