We are coming for your straws!

Manhattan Infidel has the inside satirical scoop on a “straw” Party in Santa Barbara, California.

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms today broke up a straw party in the city of Santa Barbara, arresting 37 people and charging them with possession of plastic with intent to harm mother Gaia.

Santa Barbara, which has proudly become the first city in the United States to ban plastic straws, had asked for Federal help with their straw problem.

“We had to act” said Santa Barbara’s mayor, Cathy Murillo.

Residents were complaining about plastic straw activity in their neighborhoods. We see it in the schools. Children gathering in bathrooms exchanging their milk money for straws. Back alleys have been overrun with straw addicts wallowing in their filth. Actually that’s the filth from the feces and needles in the streets but my point remains: Plastic straws are gateway straws. From there one moves on to 100-watt light bulbs or high-flush toilets. The line must be drawn with plastic straws. This is the final straw!

Lacking the resources to fully cope with their plastic straw epidemic the ATF was asked to come in and wipe out the problem.

“We at the ATF were happy to help” said its deputy director, Thomas E. Brandon.

We are coming for your straws!

Read more here.