We Need Open Borders to Better Contain Coronavirus

By Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT).
It is only by opening our borders that we can fully attack the challenges of the virus that originated in the glorious People’s Republic of China. Their magnificent drug manufacturing facilities only make antibiotics, never fentanyl.

Thanks to President Bill Clinton’s support of its missile industry, China’s finally reached military parity with us. My administration would make them more powerful than the United States to build good will. That’s right, good will. Together, we will prostrate ourselves to the superior form of government.

I will introduce a Constitutional amendment allowing all foreign nationals, especially China’s, to be elected to any public office, including the presidency. Our 90 percent tax rates, which have been done before, will catapult China forward. Our debt repaid, China will treat us with kindness, care, and Continued on page 27.

Satire