Black Friday Lamentations

On this Black Friday what do you say we reflect, along with The Federalist, on that amazing ‘victory’ Joey B posted? A win the likes of which has never before been witnessed in the entire history of the Republic. Imagine losing a larger share of the black vote than ever before to your Republican opponent and STILL getting 8 million more votes than even the Lightbringer himself: now that’s historic!

That’s a remarkable feat for any old career curruptocrat; it’s especially impressive for a basement dwelling, hair sniffing, groping, demented old fool like Joe.

A Joe rally, empty circles galore

Let’s review just how awesome his circle-jerkin’ “victory” was:

1. 80 Million Votes

For Biden to lose these key bellwethers by notable margins and still win the national election is newsworthy. Not since the Mafia allegedly aided John F. Kennedy in winning Illinois over Richard Nixon in 1960 has an American president pulled off this neat trick.

2. Winning Despite Losing Most Bellwether Counties

“Biden underperformed Hillary Clinton in every major metro area around the country, save for Milwaukee, Detroit, Atlanta and Philadelphia…big cities in swing states run by Democrats.…the vote even exceeded the number of registered voters.” In the states that mattered most, so many mail-in ballots poured in for Biden from the cities that he put up record-breaking numbers and overturned state totals that looked like comfortable leads for President Trump.

3. Biden Trailed Clinton Except in a Select Few Cities

“Donald Trump was pretty much the only incumbent president in U.S. history to lose his re-election while his own party gained seats in the House of Representatives.” Now that’s a Biden miracle!

4. Biden Won Despite Democrat Losses Everywhere Else

Amazingly, Biden beat the guy who lifted all other Republicans to victory. Now that’s historic!

5. Biden Overcame Trump’s Commanding Primary Vote

First,no incumbent who has received 75 percent of the total primary vote has lost re-election. Second, President Trump received 94 percent of the primary vote, which is the fourth highest of all time. Third, Trump set a record for most primary votes received by an incumbent when more than 18 million people turned out for him in 2020. 

Those weirdly socially distanced chairs at Old Joe’s events always reminded me of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

It finally came to me:

The Empty Chair

It was the perfect metaphor for the second coming of Obama and it’s equally perfect for all that a Joey B presidency would bring. But we are not giving up yet.