It Has Come To My Attention…

I’m fairly certain that everyone living with First World problems is familiar with the Sad Cat Diaries and their documentation of his grievances.

It’s been over 6 years since they were originally released and given the mood of the country I feel it’s time for a re-release; this time on Twitter, with a new narrator. I’m thinking Mr. Tweet hisself, Sad Sack Jack.

Based solely on the ratty beard, new tats and nose-ring I’d say he’s currently having a mid-life crisis which makes him perfect for the part. I’m thinking we could just rename them the Sad Jack Diaries and have him re-record all the sad cat’s original grievances along with any new ones he and his little friends wish to file.

Dear Diary: The authorities have punished me for taking a crap on the living room floor. This despite my efforts to distribute the litter evenly throughout the house. I am convinced that they are mad men, devoid of reason.

The first time the authorities demanded Sad Jack explain his actions to Congress

Dear Diary: The squirrel was back again today. It mocks me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours.

Rasputin and Mr. Potato Head air their grievances before Congress in November

Dear Diary: I have decided to plead with the authorities to rub my belly. I think it will do me good in my current condition. I would like to receive two rubs exactly. A third one, and I will bite the shit out of them as per protocol. Wish me luck.

Dear Diary: My attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught. Somehow, almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place.

I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.

You are correct about that, Sad Jack. The ultimate Authority will see to it.