I’m fairly certain that everyone living with First World problems is familiar with the Sad Cat Diaries and their documentation of his grievances.
It’s been over 6 years since they were originally released and given the mood of the country I feel it’s time for a re-release; this time on Twitter, with a new narrator. I’m thinking Mr. Tweet hisself, Sad Sack Jack.
Based solely on the ratty beard, new tats and nose-ring I’d say he’s currently having a mid-life crisis which makes him perfect for the part. I’m thinking we could just rename them the Sad Jack Diaries and have him re-record all the sad cat’s original grievances along with any new ones he and his little friends wish to file.
Dear Diary: The authorities have punished me for taking a crap on the living room floor. This despite my efforts to distribute the litter evenly throughout the house. I am convinced that they are mad men, devoid of reason.
The first time the authorities demanded Sad Jack explain his actions to Congress
Dear Diary: The squirrel was back again today. It mocks me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours.
Dear Diary: I have decided to plead with the authorities to rub my belly. I think it will do me good in my current condition. I would like to receive two rubs exactly. A third one, and I will bite the shit out of them as per protocol. Wish me luck.
Dear Diary: My attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught. Somehow, almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place.
I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.
You are correct about that, Sad Jack. The ultimate Authority will see to it.
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