Trees Denounced as Racist

A Portland high school has postponed naming a tree as its mascot in light of the revelation that trees are racist:

The Ida B. Wells-Barnett High School’s namesake is the Pulitzer Prize-winning African American journalist who extensively reported on and protested against lynching, reports the Portland Tribune. Originally, the evergreen tree was proposed because, according to Ellen Whatmore, a mascot committee member and a teacher at the school, evergreens “are characterized by the life-giving force of their foliage, the strength of their massive trunk, and the depth of their roots—in an individual tree and as a forest of trees.”

The school used to be named after Woodrow Wilson, but like so many notable figures in American history, Wilson has been canceled for being racist.

The evergreen was the frontrunner out of 420 different nominations, but then Michelle DePass, the director of the Portland Public Schools Board of Education, suggested that the tree’s connotations to lynching could be problematic.

DePass is the only black on the school board, giving her potential veto power over anything she decides to declare racist.

Her concerns resulted in the board postponing the vote on the new mascot until they could reach out to Wells-Barnett’s family to see if they had any issue with it.

Since the family is presumably black, maybe the evergreen has a chance. If they were white, denying DePass’s lived experience as a victim of the hurtful racism of trees would invite accusations that they too are racist.

To avoid future cancelation, you have to be proactive. If you have trees on your property, cut them down at once, even if they are evergreens, which probably were not often used for lynching. If the trajectory of the woke mob’s witch hunt hysteria over the past few years is any indication, getting exposed on social media as an owner of racist trees could soon be a firing offense.

On tips from Varla and ABC of the ANC.

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