You Might Just Be An April Fool If…

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” ― George Orwell, 1984

Remember last year when we had to cancel April Fools’ Day because…cooties? Well Google, who really runs the world in case you didn’t know, has decided that we once again are collectively incapable of coping with April Fools’ pranks and therefore canceled it this year too. But even the mighty Google can’t stop the even mightier government agencies from participating in a bit of April Tom-foolery. Take the updated guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on what fully vaccinated people can (and cannot) do.

Guidelines! Get Your Guidelines Here!

Stay Home, Stay Safe, It’s Better That Way. Trust Us.

“Officials” say a person is considered fully vaccinated two weeks after receiving the last required dose of vaccine. After that you are semi-free to move about the cabin. Emphasis on “semi.” Here’s the latest guidance from your government:

WHAT YOU CAN DO ONCE YOU’RE FULLY VACCINATED 

• Visit other fully vaccinated people indoors without wearing masks or practicing social distancing
• Visit unvaccinated people from a single household who are at low risk for severe COVID-19 indoors without wearing masks or practicing social distancing 
• Not quarantine or get tested if exposed to an asymptomatic COVID-19 patient

Oh wait - APRIL FOOLS!

WHAT YOU STILL MUST DO AFTER GETTING YOUR FINAL DOSE

• Wear masks and practice social distancing in public
• Wear masks and practice social distancing when visiting unvaccinated people at high risk for severe COVID-19
• When meeting with vaccinated people from multiple households practice safety measures like masking and social distancing
• Avoid medium- and large-sized in-person gatherings 
• Avoid traveling 
• Get tested if experiencing COVID-19 symptoms

See the difference?

And in other April Fools’ news,  it seems that major Fake News outlets are also not recognizing Google’s edict that April Fools’ pranks be banned this year. For example, CNN’s leading story stating that “Biological Sex” Is a Disputed Term, and that there is “No Consensus Criteria for Assigning Sex at Birth.”

Don’t you love it when the Culture Warriors who believe in science-by-consensus get so caught up in their own BS? They forget that sex “assignment” isn’t necessary as nature takes care of that for them via DNA, you know, that old fashioned, non-consensus based science they used to teach in the institutes of higher learning?

But feel free to carry on with your 24/7-365 April Fools’ pranks if you wish. Hopefully much of the world will eventually figure out who the fools actually are.

If you actually care what Sean Penn thinks you need to do in the event of a global crisis…you might just be an April Fool.