The Elves Who Keep Us Safe And Protect Girls Who Ride Donkeys

A postcard I received through the post had an elf on the front (above) – at least that’s what I believe the little chap to be. Perhaps he’s one of Santa’s little helpers. Whatever.

We went for a walk – that’s me and Karin not me and the elf – and spoke to someone who was delighted to tell us his small son was to be an elf in his school Christmas play. So that was two elves. ‘Bound to be a third,’ I thought.

Coming back from our walk I stopped to buy a newspaper.

Flicking through the pages at home I glanced at a regular columnist’s page. Richard Littlejohn has always got a bee in his bonnet about something, especially elf’n'safety – ah, my third elf!

What Littlejohn means by elf’n'safety is all of the daft health and safety laws we now have in the UK. It really has gone a bit bonkers.

He mentioned one case where, at the annual Uckfield Easter Parade, the man portraying Jesus was forced to wear a high visibility jacket. One of those luminous orange things. Mad, but the logic probably was that as ‘Jesus’ was walking along the road he had to be seen and therefore had to be covered with a hi-viz jacket. We wouldn’t want Jesus to get hurt, would we.

In his column Littlejohn went on to rant about another example of elf’n'safety: He wrote:

Crazy. He goes on with his rant saying:

That’s the thing with anything to do with elves, they are ambivalent towards us humans and are capable of either helping or hindering us – pretty much like elf’n'safety.

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