The Elephant may not move as quick as the mouse, but each step takes him much further

The following is a letter written to the managers of my workplace

Dear (names removed),

Please read and assess the following carefully and in a neutral tone through til the end, I am writing this in sincerity and also from a neutral perspective. I understand it is easy for things to become misconstrued through text so I have taken pains to try and make my self as clear as possible, and the following is written with no other feelings nor emotions other than that of the need to express my self clearly and openly through text, something I’m less capable of in terms of direct speech. This is therefore presented out of Love and respect for myself as well as all others concerned in reading it.

I’ve come to realize that working with a “sense of urgency” isn’t so much about productivity as it is bearing your share of the overall stress of the establishment, to bolt and scurry about the place so that it looks like your busy, fueled by the stress that you’d otherwise be fired over in choosing not to be burdened with.

Of late I’ve been asking myself what this job is really worth.

I’ve been getting deeper into meditative practices and have been finding it more and more difficult to work in the manners which I have been, letting the stress course through and moving urgently as opposed to deliberately. I can’t seem to find the logic in it and I’ve been carrying myself about in a half-dream state while overcaffinating my body and switching myself to auto-pilot in order to cope with this illogical method of working which is now common place in the service industry. This is becoming more and more unhealthy as the stress is accumulating onto my body and psyche.

I have been having to neglect meditative composure and practices while working for the sake of seeming like a “good employee”.

I have reached the decision that I shall no longer continue to neglect my dignity and my duty to myself in maintaining my psychic and physical health for the sake of clinging to this job, or any other. Don’t get me wrong here, this isn’t me quitting nor trying to get fired. I simply want to be genuinely open with you in this and communicate honestly.

If it is intolerable to see me work while maintaining my composure (and I know it seemed like I was also one who seemed more composed but the truth is I’m good at concealing my feelings and that the stress has been gnawing at me from inside since day one.) and if you feel that you can no longer have me as part of the staff because of this new attitude / behavioral pattern, of which I shall not waver, then I accept this with certainly no hard feelings.

Also, just so there is no misunderstanding here, I understand how to be “propelled” by a healthy amount of stress, such as kicking it into high gear when we’re short-handed and things get wild, honestly I actually find it a bit fun because I imagine “riding” atop the “stress-wave” rather than letting it flood over me, but the fact of the matter is that we have been fully staffed (overly so in my opinion) as of late, especially on Saturdays, and have seen no need to be stressed at all. It makes much more sense to me for everyone to try and relax somewhat in such instances to help cultivate some good energy in the restaurant rather than buzzing around customers at high velocity, waiting for them to finish their plate they’re taking their time with so that we can take it and be seen “doing something”.

Yet then again this is a high-volume restaurant where we want the tables turned as fast as possible and I suppose that is where the apparent “need” for this stress arises. I guess there is a “sense” for this “senselessness” after all.

 I suppose that viewing it in that light, the real point then I’m making is; if you want me there as another reflection of such stress then that is where the disappointment from your end will set in, because I am choosing not to do so any longer. However, if you want me on as a deliberate (but not necessarily “urgent” (unless of course a legitimate need arises, in which case I certainly won’t leave my co-workers hanging)) worker who stays composed and offers a certain counter balance of the high strung energy, then perhaps there can be a place for me (the true me) here after all.

Then again perhaps other employees will deem it unfair that I get to be the lax one while they have to continue winding about like a maelstrom to appear as though they are doing something other than making lingering customers feel like they need to hurry up and get out.

Honestly, this whole idea seems interesting to see if something like this is even feasible. Could such opposing energies co-mingle, or would one simply repel / overrun the other? Would either of such bring about “favorable” results? In any case I leave it in your hands as to how you would like to proceed and shall respect your decisions, whatever they may be.

Peace & Love,

Seth

I’ve still yet to send this letter. After typing it out my intuition told me to wait until after taking a few much needed days off and reassess the situation from a neutral perspective. Typing it helped me feel much better and helped me understand the “sense” of the senselessness of the restaurant industry.

I decided that I would just do what I was suggesting in the above letter without any need for words, and well, if I should need them, then I still have this letter, or better yet I could exercise one of my supposed weaknesses in relaying my thoughts on the matter in direct speech.

Back to the fray

The first few days back were failures, I was still more or less miserable at work and doing what I could in my headspace just to “hang in there”. But I didn’t give up and I kept trying, pushing a little harder each time.

And, by the next busy Saturday, my longest shift of the week as well as the one I dreaded, something miraculous happened. No, I didn’t bring the atmosphere of the place entirely under my control, but I did manage to to maintain composure and firmness in my new resolve. I didn’t freak out and scurry about trying to seem busy. No, I kept a genuine smile and focused the entire time on drawing upon the Love of Creation through the duration of that madness, of course doing this while also focusing on my work and doing everything that need to be done as it needed to be done. Oddly enough the environment itself seemed to calm down a notch or two, even the staff seemed more lax and I saw a couple other genuine smiles, the micromanager was even behaving slightly less neurotic, only slightly, but still that was a success because it were she who is the energetic dominance of the place.

No complacency for the successful

The day after this rather large success of mine the micromanager wasn’t in, and, oddly enough, I was feeling more off without her there. Upon reflection, I realized it was because I was allowing myself to slack in these new endeavors. I didn’t have to constantly put forth my full focus and energy for the sake of preventing myself from being crushed back into the servitude of the domineering negativity.

Now I see that I shouldn’t review these shifts when she isn’t there as time to slacken, but rather to push myself even harder, to hone and develop this ability, that one day I may be able to neutralize her neurotic energy completely. Such would be a grand accomplishment in developing tools capable of enhancing my life’s purpose. This neurotic micromanager is but the first boss of this new game I’m playing. That’s right, I’ve turned it into a game. I can either beat it or quit, it isn’t life-threatening.

In conclusion

There is no need to go to extremes by attempting dramatic upheavals or even direct confrontation if it isn’t entirely necessary, actions speak louder than words, yet the words can still be kept ready so as to affirm the action.

What’s really important to say and the entire point of sharing this (corporate world, service industry, etc.), is that work environments like this shouldn’t be viewed as a time and place where we must lay the teachings to the side, because they contradict how we are “supposed” to conduct ourselves in the “professional” world, but rather we should see it as an ideal setting to put the teachings into full effect. The perfect opportunity of full practical application of the studies of which we are engaged. There’s far too much logical beauty in this to express in words.

Certainly many folks have children and houses that they need to afford, which is why it’s definitely advisable to proceed logically with this, as opposed to emotionally. There’s no need to write a letter and stick it to your bosses door with a dagger telling them how things are going to be from now on.

Though we must also be fearless once we have reached such a resolve. We must be unwavering in our neutral-positive composure even as the higher-ups consistently attempt to (and trust me they will), consciously or unconsciously, shove you off balance, for they sense the change in energy, yet don’t understand it and thus follow the primitive impulses in seeking to destroy what they feel threatened by.

Attachment, even the typical attachment most of us have right now to financial stability and daily routines etc. is still attachment and attachment gives root to fear, fear of the severance from that which we are attached.

This is not a suggestion to get rid of everything you feel attached to in some kind of extremist-Buddhist revolution of the mind. It is not the things that need ridding of, rather the attachment to such things and the fear in which this attachment is rooted.

Never, during any points in our lives no matter how “extenuating” the circumstances appear to be, should we put our selves, our own duties and duties to ourselves, and with that the living of the spiritual teaching, aside as we let our fears, uncertainties and doubts take control. Fears of severance from that which we are attached, uncertainties about what the future may bring in our newfound fearlessness, and the doubt; the self-doubt that whispers it’s poison in our ears: “You can’t make it without this job”

Proceeding in Logic, fearlessness, dignity and detachment from all that which causes us to behave subserviently to the burdening worries of our psyches is ground-breaking for the true success.

See also:

Why do we follow barbaric rules?