(satire) Tonight, an ABC camera crew intercepted Kevin Rudd in the corridors of the ALP Caucus building:
Interviewer: Mr Rudd, congratulations with your win. Were you confident of taking over the Leadership and what made you challenge?
Rudd: Yep, it started a few weeks ago. My wife is a conspiracy freak and came across Ed Chiarini’s work. She pestered me non-stop to look at her information that Gillard is Jodie Foster. Bullshit I told her, until she kept persisting and in the end, I looked into it. BUT, I did my own ear and teeth analysis. I eyeballed her in Parliament..looked at my results…looked at her…Hey, it IS Jodie Foster!”
Interviewer: “What was the match like?”
Rudd: “It was a 100% match! From this point on I knew I had a calling – take back the Leadership and send Gillard back to Hollywood. Watch for a preponderance of Jodie Foster movies from now on. Haha.”
Interviewer: “What are you going to do in the next few short months before the election?”
Rudd: “Well, I’m going to immediately investigate whether the leader of the Green Party, Chistine Milne is actually Christina Applegate, my wife seems to think so. Then I’ll go on with the job of winning the election.”
At this point, Julia Gillard is seen walking down the corridor towards us and is in close proximity. The ABC interviewer hollers, “Julia have you got a statement to make?” To which Julia Gillard replied, “I accept the will of the Caucus. I will quit politics and return to acting as Jodie Foster or maybe wear a different disguise and act as a new character. Who knows, I might work alongside the Greenbergs and make original fake news. It would be a career change plus a big pay rise.”
Interviewer: “Do you have any regrets?”
Gillard/Foster: “I hated my fake Australian accent and I hated wearing that fat suit to enlarge my Bum.”
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