Your Daily Donald Trump Moment of Zen

Stressed by the holidays? Vexed that your kid is heading back to unknown challenges at school? Concerned about the fate of the country or the world at large?

Here. I give you this video of Donald Trump explaining why he was opposed to the Iran Deal. Or… I mean, I guess that’s what he’s explaining? Let us not burden ourselves, though, with such mundane questions as “who?” or “what?” or “where” or “why?” Sit back, close your eyes, and let the Tao of The Donald wash over you.

Maybe you are scratching your head a little bit here saying, hang on, what did he say there? This is the wrong way! There is no peace or serenity to be had in this approach! Here: I give you this transcript!

Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you’re a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.

“Leon,” you might say, “most people are just not as precise (grammatically or otherwise) when they are talking as they are when they are writing, so don’t be too hard on The Donald here.” This complaint, while potentially fair, misses the point of what is occurring here. This is not a standard political speech or regular English sentence for us to dissect or analyze or try to draw meaning from.

What we have here is something different. It is, I can say with confidence, sui generis. This is not word salad, it is art. And it is not even really all that unusual, in the pantheon of Donald Trump speeches. This is just how he talks. Don’t try to analyze it or make sense out of it, for there is no sense to be found. The point of the speech is not to inform, persuade, or entertain – it is to create an impression within the listener. An impression that the universe we live in is a hopelessly complex and chaotic place; that we are hurtling through it without purpose or meaning, and that order is an illusion we allow ourselves between trips to our local Arby’s.

Donald Trump is the Jackson Pollock of giving speeches. He isn’t here to alter our reality, he is here to accurately reflect it to us, for the first time in our lives. If we recoil in horror, it is because we cannot face the horror that the universe has been trying to show us since its creation. His supporters understand and grasp this. His opponents are striving in vain to make straight the inexorably crooked places of our benighted existence. He is merely trying to show us a better way.

Embrace the void. Become the chaos. Vote Trump in 2016.

(HT Caleb Howe)

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