Keep Cheerleaders Hot

Beauty has been a driving force on the planet since Groggrog was chasing mammoths in a loincloth. It makes people go out of their way to accommodate it, especially dudes, who I can confidently say do most of what we do to impress a pretty girl. Some today might call that sexism, but I call it nature, and the key to the propagation of our species. If appreciating a beautiful girl as a man is supposed to makes me sexist, then I’m guilty without the feeling of guilt.

And beauty, hotness, and prettiness are potent. When beauty gets excited, we get excited. So when they figured out that pretty girls cheering a crowd into cheering the team works really well, it became something schools and institutions began to take very seriously.

Seriously enough that it became a competitive sport in its own right, and thus looked to put their best, most hot foot forward. So it was that schools and Universities put out helpful illustrations that show girls what they’re looking for, like this latest one from the University of Washington.

As far as guides go for helping girls know what to do for tryouts, this one is pretty standard. It simply points out what kind of physique and style they’ll go for when selecting a candidate. Other colleges do this as well, such as LSU and WSU.

Requirements vary from school to school, but you get the idea. They’re looking for fit girls who care about their image, and don’t look like they’re fresh out of a meeting about patriarchal oppression at the Dunkin’ Donuts. The school, or institution is looking for a girl whose image exudes a fierce beauty, because she’ll be front and center in an official capacity with their logo plastered on her chest or back.

But in today’s world, being pretty and confident is a sin. Upkeep and exuberance of feminine beauty, from what I understand, is something witches do now. So any blasphemous materials that encourages being fit and hot must be ridiculed, complained about to no end, and hopefully burned. So sayeth the church of feminism.

This college cheerleader “how-to” guide is complete bullshit. Be thinner! And whiter! https://t.co/MP7oHAAGtlpic.twitter.com/373l2VPRbG

— HuffPostWomen (@HuffPostWomen) April 28, 2016

This college has some infuriating ideas about what the “perfect” cheerleader looks like: https://t.co/y33pbt4JYfpic.twitter.com/gyctfmMEXh

— Women’s Health (@WomensHealthMag) April 28, 2016

Did anyone else see the poster depicting UW’s required “look” to be considered for their cheer squad? That crap makes me mad #Ummmmm

— Michelle Bodkin (@MBodkinRivals) April 27, 2016

Shoutout to the foot stampers who aren’t – and likely have never been – cheerleaders, getting angry about a poster they’ll never utilize, and probably will forget about in a couple of weeks.

We’ve seen this kind of outrage before from cry-bullies not long ago when protein world released their “Are you beach body ready” ad. To sum it up, according to SJWs and feminists, this add was sexist because she’s hot.

So this is kind of a part 2. Protein World didn’t back down, because they have nothing to back down from. They displayed a beautiful, fit girl in an effort to inspire people to buy their products to look like her. This kind of thing works too, because what girl doesn’t want to look and feel good, and what guy doesn’t want to attract a girl like that? It’s not sexism, it’s nature. Beauty, and sexual appeal work to inspire and encourage people to do better. We need it as a species.

However, unlike Protein World’s ad, colleges who release these guides are essentially interviewing for a job that has standard requirements for looks and physicality. Strictly speaking, these guides are pretty professional.

But also unlike Protein World, UW actually backed down and pulled their guide after all the pout-rage washed over them. Their statement reads, “Some of the details and descriptions provided were inconsistent with the values of the UW spirit program and department of athletics.”

First off, what would be consistent? I see you asking nothing that hasn’t been asked from cheerleaders in the past. No visible tattoos? Makes perfect sense. They look tacky in this setting. No heavy makeup or neon colored hair? Absolutely. This is a sport, not a rave. 

You require them to be physically fit? To have tone to their muscles, and a thin physique with a tan color so it looks like they do something other than hammer out grievances on their Tumblr pages all day? Say it ain’t so! I mean, it’s not like these girls are going to be utilizing their bodies to contort, run, jump, flip, and fly through the air. Expecting a girl whose primary task is performing in front of people to look good is just LUNACY, I SAY! 

Then there are the ridiculous complaints about her being white. First off, racist. Secondly, the vast majority of complaints I see about the girl in the poster being white, are coming from white students, but what else is new? Did they stop to think that this tip, which was definitely aimed at white girls, is there because skin pale enough to ward off ships doesn’t look at all good for this setting? Again, this is a performance job where looks and physical ability count.

But let’s cut the crap, and get down to the real issue surrounding this non-traversy. This is a bunch of girls who don’t like the way this image makes them feel. Unable, or unwilling to take the steps necessary to look like that pretty girl in the picture, they lash out with accusations of sexism, racism, or whatever -ism they can use for the narrative.

Some of them get creative, and put their insecurities on others. They claim they’re just standing up for those who see these ads and feel like they could never look so pretty, but these miserable busy-in all the wrong ways-bodies aren’t fooling anyone. 

Let me make it very simple. If you don’t want to be a cheerleader, don’t concern yourself with this guide, and leave it for the girls who actually want to be cheerleaders, and need this information that you so righteously had removed. If you want to be a cheerleader, but are unwilling meet the standards for the job, then don’t tryout because you’re not going to make it.

If looking at this girl makes you feel insecure, then how about working to elevate your self-esteem and achieve a fit and tone body style with proper diet and exercise? If your diet is currently fried foods, sugars, and sadness, you’re going about it the wrong way. Put down the candy bar, pick up a gym membership, and leave everyone else the hell alone.

My advice to colleges is to keep cheerleaders hot. It’s what we, the vast majority of the planet, both men and women, want. We don’t want you to engage in feel-goodery. Don’t march out someone like TrigglyPuff, whose version of a high-kick is walking. Keep your girls looking like they could equal parts be thrown nimbly into the air, and equal parts able to Ghallager a watermelon with a roundhouse. Keep the beauty standards high, and out of reach from children who don’t want to put the effort other girls are willing to put into it.

And for God’s sake, stop caving to fearleaders making mountains out of molehills that everyone else has to climb. Their numbers aren’t as large as their level of volume implies, and their goal is to make everyone else as miserable as they are. Don’t help them. 

There’s nothing wrong with being hot, and there’s nothing wrong with appreciating it both sexually and/or professionally, no matter what the feminists say. Beauty is important to us as a species. Let them rail and rave, and let the rest of us enjoy the show. 

#KeepCheerleadersHot

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