Not Today, Internet: Science Goes Too Far, Makes Dinosaur-Faced Chicken

This is the latest installment of our regular feature, “Not Today, Internet,” in which we take a look at the stories that we really don’t want to. For previous installments, click here. If you have a tip for “Not Today, Internet,” you can email me at [email protected].

Sweet mother of mercy, science is trying its damnedest to make the world a dark and dangerous place. A group of scientists screwing around with genetics and molecular structures have managed to make a chicken embryo a dinosaur-faced monstrosity.

That’s right. Just in time for Easter, it’s little chicks with dinosaur teeth and snouts.

Naturally, of course the BBC wants to tell us about this.

Scientists accidentally grew a chicken with the face of a dinosaur https://t.co/bkWWFn6jti pic.twitter.com/jOPJJynbVf

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) April 8, 2017

The idea that birds evolved from dinosaurs has been around since the 19th century, when scientists discovered the fossil of an early bird called Archaeopteryx. It had wings and feathers, but it also looked a lot like a dinosaur. More recent fossils look similar.

But these early birds didn’t look the same as modern ones. In particular, they didn’t have beaks: they had snouts, like those of their dinosaur ancestors.

To understand how one changed into another, a team has been tampering with the molecular processes that make up a beak in chickens.

By doing so, they have managed to create a chicken embryo with a dinosaur-like snout and palate, similar to that of small feathered dinosaurs like Velociraptor. The results are published in the journal Evolution.

The team’s aim was to understand how the bird beak evolved, because the beak is such a vital part of bird anatomy. It has been crucial for their success. The 10,000 or more bird species occupy a wide range of habitats, and many have specialised beaks to help them survive.

Now, they claim they weren’t trying to play God and create a baby chickosaur, but science has been recklessly throwing genetic goop at the wall to see what sticks (and what mutates) for years. It was only a matter of time before they ruined chicken nuggets for me.

It’s bad enough cute baby chickens were ruined by the disgusting invention of Peeps, but now they are being turned into mutant half-poultry/half-lizard monstrosities that will hopefully kill us before another group of scientists bent on beating death creates the first zombies.

Maybe the mutant chickosaurs will grow and the zombies will ride them. That’ll be a great way for us all to meet our ends.

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