Chris ‘I’m Not A-Fredo’ Cuomo Attacks Swimsuit Model Donald Trump’s Rosy Glow, Blames It On His Abject Evil. Go Idiocy!

We’ve seen it before: A guy goes into the White House with dark hair and a youthful sheen, comes out a few years later with hair of white and a face like an old catcher’s mitt.

The presidency ages you.

But what of Donald Trump’s unfathomably good looks? Why, put him in a pair of trunks, and the guy could pass for nineteen.

Chris “I Ain’t A-Fredo” Cuomo has an explanation for the President’s Michael-J-Fox-like perennial good looks a few years in:

He doesn’t care about you. Or me. Or anyone.

And when your heart has no feeling, it’s a stress-free ride, Jack!

That’s right: Chris has cracked the code on Trump’s age-defyin’ ways. The veritable Neutrogena model is just a psychopath.

Hence, his pool-boy good looks.

Chris is coming off the heels of just having said some paralyzingly foolish things that made national news. It seems like he might wanna sit it out for a bit. But he’s come out with this newest installment quicker than Twilight 2 hit the silver screen.

On CNN’s Cuomo Prime Time this week — a show which, in terms of network censure, has suffered not at all since the host told a man, “I’ll f***ing throw you down these stairs like a f***ing punk” and “I’ll f***ing wreck your sh**” — Mario Cuomo’s younger brother put up a side-by-side comparison of Bill, Barack, and Donald.

Chris provided his expert analysis:

“I mean come on, look at Clinton’s hair — went white. George W. Bush looks like he got a beat down. Obama looks like his own grandfather … This is a very hard job because of the stress they carry with them.”

Has Chris never heard of Clairol? Some candidates douse themselves with it when running for office.

On to Trump:

“Now let’s look look at this President. It’s been almost three years since Trump won the presidency. He looks exactly the same. His hair is — I don’t know what’s going on with that. But he may do things that presidents in the past haven’t done to augment their physical reality.”

??

How does he know what all the presidents haven’t done, when he doesn’t know what this president has done?

Either way, here we go…

Explicación:

“But it could also be he doesn’t care the way others have? He seems content to vent and foment problems. … He doesn’t deal with the trying business of compromise. He chases the easy slumber of blaming others and sowing the seeds of discord and division.”

Chris also offered, “I argue this: The President told us a very important truth today. Listen.”

He then played a clip of Trump being asked if issues with China keep him up at night. The Donald replied: “Nothing keeps me up at night.”

Cue Chris’s provision of Obama telling Barbara Walters a lot of things keep him up at night.

So now Trump’s guilty of getting restorative sleep? Weren’t we told during the election that he was old and in horrible physical condition? Wouldn’t a solid 8 hours of Zzzz’s do the decrepit man some good?

Also, it seems to me the question of whether any politician “cares” about us is one of the most immature ideas in the world.

Who will make the best president is surely determined by a lot of things. But none of them, in my opinion, should be emotional.

Personally, I want someone comfortable with leadership whose policies are sound — a person who knows how to get things done, and who wants to bring good ideas to fruition.

Whether they “care” or not is incidental. My great grandmother cared; but I wouldn’t campaign for her.

Still, Chris does have one point: It’s downright inexplicable that New York’s eccentric billionaire hasn’t aged a couple centuries by now. As we’ve constantly been told, Donald perches like a gargoyle at night, sharpening his talons and seething with more hate, viciousness, anger, and insanity the world could ever imagine. He’s always one strained fart away from literally combusting from the sheer level of maniacal evil boiling within.

So how’s he managed to stay so Matthew Broderickish?

Maybe the far and heated Left has just been full of nonsense. Maybe Donald Trump is comfortable running a giant business and can take it in stride.

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s a raging maniac.

Maybe he’s someone…just like this:

-ALEX

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