The Best Among Us Shut Down 22 Intersections in D.C. and Chain Themselves to an Ark to Fight Climate Change

It’s an error of calculation.

What if I said, “I want everyone to really consider the damage being done to our cities by littering; I think I’ll paint that on my body and roller skate nekkid through the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade while blowing a bugle.”

Would I be reminding people not to trash the joint, or would I just be making them think I’m in great need of being fitted for a jacket with dysfunctional sleeves?

In reality, perhaps whenever thereafter a witness to my protest threw their sandwich wrapper on the ground, they’d recall, “Oh, yeah — remember that mentally ill bugler?”

But for some reason, there are hundreds if not thousands of people walking around in public who’d think my nude musical procession might save the planet.

And some of those revolutionaries were in Washington, D.C. Monday to rescue the world from climate change.

The way those giants of justice saved us all: They shut down at least 22 intersections during their fellow Americans’ morning commute.

Something tells me we may still be in peril.

But if you’re of a different mind, watch humanity be ripped from the clutches of imminent death:

Since we’re not getting anywhere on Climate Change with the GOP in DC, Resistors will be blocking traffic in DC to prevent THEM from getting anywhere! #ShutDownDC is happening!
SPREAD THE WORD!https://t.co/V9JMsSkLSc

— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) September 23, 2019

695 is a parking lot. Protestors have blocked NY Ave just after the 395 exit. 395 north appears to be shut down so I’m guessing all the exits are blocked

Good fucking luck getting around DC this morning! #ShutDownDC

— Berin Szóka (@BerinSzoka) September 23, 2019

These are our demands. It’s about respect for our planet and the people who inhabit it. #ClimateStrike #ThereIsNoPlanetB #SystemChange pic.twitter.com/PjiZyOK4iT

— Movement for a People’s Party (@4aPeoplesParty) September 23, 2019

Climate strikers are trying to shut down infrastructure in DC by refusing to move, and laying down on vehicles blocking intersections while their supporters say its “unsafe” to tow them while they’re on it. You know what? Tow that shit. #ShutDownDC pic.twitter.com/iZe6s9cLjw

— Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) September 23, 2019

Despite white privilege, even the black people got saved. And their blood pressure checked:

We out here to raise the alarm. Climate justice is health justice. health justice is justice for Black people. #ShutDownDC #ClimateStrike pic.twitter.com/8PqZ4Qlvjy

— BlackLivesMatter DC (@DMVBlackLives) September 23, 2019

How to shut down a pipeline:

Out here shutting down DC for climate justice. STOP PIPELINES NOW! KEEP IT IN THE GROUND! #ShutdownDC @350_DC @sunrisemvmt @GretaThunberg @mdc_dsa pic.twitter.com/QntcNH6QO5

— WERK for Peace (@werkforpeace) September 23, 2019

Getting word that 22 intersections in DC, on Piscataway lands, are now being blocked by activists demanding a world beyond oil. #ShutdownDC #StrikeWithUs #climatestrike https://t.co/MKIT0njwbk

— Greenpeace USA (@greenpeaceusa) September 23, 2019

Good to see Greenpeace was on it. Those combatants against calamity similarly emancipated us from the shackles of a dismal fate by hanging from a bridge recently and costing the city of Houston millions of dollars:

This idiotic stunt is costing Texans millions of dollars and putting lives at risk. @ABC, every Democratic candidate participating in the debate tonight should be asked about whether or not they support such reckless behavior. https://t.co/Pxpsr8fyoy

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) September 12, 2019

I covered that profound act of rescue here:

Ahead of the city’s impending Democratic presidential primary, about a dozen activists suspended themselves from the Fred Hartman Bridge in order to fight the use of fossil fuels.

As a further means of really sockin’ it to modernity, the difference-making dingleberries held yellow and red flags.

In D.C., the knights of congestion also brandished red signs that read, “Capitalism is Killing the Planet.”

Our streets. Our Planet! Climate justice and worker justice now! #ShutDownDC pic.twitter.com/Ot8A7c5MNq

— Metro DC DSA (@mdc_dsa) September 23, 2019

I have to wonder if anyone involved knew the actual meaning of “capitalism” — that would be, simply, a system based on a free-market economy in which an individual may own his or her own business.

Perhaps they were too busy preserving the universe to worry about things as meaningless as the definitions of words.

And just in case their work wasn’t enough to completely snatch us from the jaws of tragic incineration, they did the one thing we know is the show-stopping guarantee our world will be saved:

They chained themselves to a yellow boat in the middle of the street:

Scores of climate activists are occupying an intersection in downtown #DC. There’s a boat here! And many police, who’ve begun removing protesters from the vessel. pic.twitter.com/gihdLJSwxO

— Isaac Scher (@subversiveson) September 23, 2019

Thank God for heroes.

If you happen to be nearby and can still participate, please: Drop your drawers, pull out your bugle and blow it.

-ALEX

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