Bible stories - in the language you know and love

http://simplyjews.blogspot.com/

The silence here is temporarily interrupted to let you enjoy something completely different.

It starts with one Shaul Reznik, who decided to refurbish several Tanach (Old Testament for some of you) stories, presenting them in the language of modern mass media headlines. Some of his readers joined the effort. This post will try to present the most worthy results (so far) in English.

[If you are offended, please go away. Quietly.]

A pensioner tries to kill his son for religious reasons.

Two cities in the south of the country suffered serious damage during shelling with fire and sulfur.

A family of sectarians drove a maid with a child into the desert.

Killing of a farmer: G-d suspects brother.

After marrying an immigrant, the Egyptian leader was diagnosed with urinary tract disease.

Two stone data carriers are broken, an elderly stutterer is suspected.

In the area of ​​the Dead Sea, two daughters got their father drunk and raped him.

The couple was kicked out of a nature reserve for eating fruit.

An Israeli scientist presented a technology of extracting water from a rock.

Amateur shipbuilder invests in creation of a unique zoo.

Children of a large family of religious fanatics decided to get rid of their brother by selling him to merchants of live goods.

The wife of a Sodom lawyer replenished the salt reserves of the city.

Bears gobbled up a group of teenagers.

A cloned woman fell prey to a snake.

UN protests: Israel destroys Palestinian buildings with advanced sonic weapons!

Shock! Another victim of the slander by a #Metoo activist. (In a candid interview with Zuleika, Potiphar discovers shocking details).

SENSATION! A local madman was swallowed by a whale.

Israeli bodybuilder brutally killed a rare predator.

Scandal in the royal family: intimate correspondence between the crown prince and his boyfriend was published.

The battle of psychics on Carmel ended with a stabbing.

The prisoner discovers paranormal abilities and receives an offer to take a high post.

Journalistic investigation: who is behind the string of climate anomalies in Egypt?

Ballistic examination: the world champion in power-lifting was killed by a shot from a slingshot.

Passion for quail meat led to mass poisoning in a nomadic tribe.

The effects of global warming: Red Sea has become catastrophically shallow in one day. Scientists are sounding the alarm!

Animal rights advocates are outraged by the increasing incidence of tearing of the mouths of lions in Palestine.

SHOCK! Donkey’s jaw can be used to …

Tons of counterfeit groats have been sprayed over the supposedly empty desert for decades. The investigation is ongoing.

Was there a boy? A senior citizen claims that he killed a ram on the mountain.

And more from the commenters:

A successful hair removal method invented by the king of Israel. Read the interview with Queen of Sheba about the results.

Elderly vegan destroys an expensive cultural symbol of veal lovers.

As a result of the disproportionate use of force, a building collapsed on pilgrims in Gaza.

Construction of the tallest skyscraper in the Middle East is suspended. Disagreements between unions are growing.

Prosecutor’s office is investigating the scandalous affair of the Israeli leader with the wife of a general who died last year: the investigation revealed new facts.

Targeted assassination of a Palestinian field commander by the David’s Sling system.

Medical phenomenon in a nomadic tribe. A woman gave birth at the age of 90 years.

A shepherd is wanted for an attempted coup.

In a village near Lake Tiberias, a group of unknown people burglarized a bakery. Police suspect a gang of so-called “Folk healer.”

A young man marries two women through his father-in-law.

The elements claimed millions of lives, but a group of enthusiasts managed to save a zoo.

Abraham begat Isaac, Isaac begat Joseph. Feminists are furious!

The Shechem population is slaughtered as part of the #MeToo campaign.

The UN Human Rights Council condemned Israel for the killing of Egyptian soldiers in the Red Sea.

Etc. etc. http://simplyjews.blogspot.com/