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Train Wreck Relationships: Why We Choose Lovers Who Destroy Us and How To Heal

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October 7th, 2020

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

I regularly see friends get completely destroyed by falling in love with someone who is unavailable to them and who has little depth and ability to show up.

I’ve done the same myself. I call this a train wreck relationship.

A train wreck relationship is one which has no real chance of enduring. The partners are mismatched and/or one, or both, has significant, deal-breaking shadow aspects neither is willing or able to acknowledge. Train wrecks are usually initiated based on lust or desperation and a result of projected longing rather than emotionally integrated, conscious, empowered, discernment.

Why do we choose such people and why do we get wrecked by someone we deem so unworthy?

A clue may lie in a rhetorical question, one many of us have asked in the midst of heartbreak: “Why am I hurting so much from such an cruel or empty person?!” or “They are so worthless, why am I in so much pain?!”

An answer may lie in another question: if we were available for depth, commitment, and true intimacy, would we bother getting into this kind of relationship?

Perhaps relationships that wreck us didn’t cause the bulk of our hurt.


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