Trauma Bonding: Why It’s So Tough to Leave an Abusive Relationship

February 17th, 2022

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

If you aren’t attracted to the kind, loving and loyal woman . . . or to the reliable, drama-free guy this should concern you.

The a-hole or the b**ch—why do they draw us in so powerfully?

The answer might lie in our past and the way our brains try to (mistakenly) survive traumatic situations.

When trauma and wounding shape our past, we understand their pain to be what love must be. Then, from this blueprint in our nervous system, we seek out the same kind of “love” in other relationships, especially with romantic partners. Even if it’s destructive and painful, it’s familiar and feels safer than the unknown, or the good-loving we are not used to.

When I was in therapy many years ago, my therapist showed up with a deep love for me. I remember not knowing how to receive it. I told her, “I don’t have the receptor sites for this.” But, little by little, I learned how to let it in. I practiced just sitting in front of her, receiving her gaze and unconditional presence. I developed the receptor sites for the good, deep loving she provided. I remember how it felt: like water soaking into the sponge of my dry heart and nervous system—quenching what I had been missing my whole life.

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Recommended articles by Jack Adam Weber:

• Heartache and the Myth of Letting Go
• Train Wreck Relationships: Why We Choose Lovers Who Destroy Us and How To Heal
• Coronavirus Holistic Medicine Protocol
• The Modern Shaman: Fierce Love at the Frontier of Madness
• When We Love an Addict – Courage and the Limits of Compassion
• Sex – Truth and Dare, Pleasure and Purpose
• Relationships: The Costs of Staying When We Should Leave
• Yin Yang — Ancient Wisdom for Personal and Planetary Transformation
• Grief-Work: Healing the Shadows of Trauma and Pain
• Do We Really Create Our Own Reality? The Myths and Dangers of New Age Belief

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