Lower-IQ wives?

There has never been a shortage of advice toward the type of life partner one should look for. But one man’s recent recommendation for what to look for in a prospective bride caught the internet on fire when it was posted on X (Twitter):

That’s right, he’s advocating men look for a pretty-but-dumb woman to marry. There’s so much wrong with this bit of nonsense that I almost don’t know where to begin. Here’s my “pop-psych” impressions of this Twitter post.

This man describes himself as a “writer, former prof. Political theory, philosophy, social science.” Despite these intellectual credentials, it seems he can’t handle a similar intellect in a female partner.

First of all, this advice screams of contrasting positions: a wildly inflated sense of his own attractiveness, and a screaming insecurity about his own intellect. “Hot” (but dumb) women are usually attracted to one of two qualities: either equal physical “hotness,” or wealth. This fellow better be either model-gorgeous or filthy rich.

But the rejection of comparable intelligence levels in a partner makes me question this man’s own mental acuity. Why is he so threatened by brainy women? Is he so easily intimidated by a towering intellect? He’s obviously no mental lightweight except, it seems, in areas of romance.

I know it seems self-evident, but “hotness” fades. If someone is determined to remain with a partner for life, there had darn well be more to the relationship than physical attractiveness. Opinions about foreign films or any other topic of mutual interest go a long, long, LONG way toward keeping a couple happy into their senior years. (I’m speaking from experience here.)

After all, what good are “hot” looks in the long run if you have nothing to talk about?

It is my opinion that couples who are matched intellectually are usually among the better matches. There are many different kinds of intelligence, and intelligence of all types is a bell curve across humanity. But to deliberately set out to match with someone on a wildly different spot on that bell curve strikes me as asking for trouble.

This doesn’t mean a woman has to be a high-powered corporate executive, of course. That’s just one of many different types of intelligence, and offers its own set of challenges on the domestic front. Nor, I hope, does this man equate domestic skills with lower intelligence, because I’m here to tell you running a household well is not for the stupid or faint of heart.

What this man might be saying (in a blundering and, well, stupid way) is to avoid women who are bossy (or “alpha”) in the home. I wouldn’t disagree with this point, as long as the man understands that doesn’t give him leave to be bossy (or “alpha”) either. Bossiness from either partner is an unattractive quality and leads to nothing but resentment.

“[A]n intelligent man would likely tire of having a wife who can’t think even close to his level,” notes this analysis of the Twitter post. “As it turns out, research and likely your own observations of couples around you show that people of similar intelligence tend to match up with one another. This is not something that should be discouraged based on the mistaken idea that smart, educated women have all adopted character traits you dislike, such as bossiness, pretentiousness, and metropolitan taste (as opposed to the supposed tastes of women in ‘rural churches’) or high-powered career ambition.”

My dad (an engineer) always used to joke, “Beauty times brains is a constant.” What are your thoughts about lower-IQ female partners in a relationship?