Has Failing Grayling Got Dirt On Boris

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Chris Grayling, Britain’s new Chairman of the Intelligence and Security Committee, accidentally locked himself in broom cupboard on his first day as Chairman of Intelligence Committee. Boris Johnson was responsible for the appointment. Chris Grayling wasted no time in stamping his brand on the role.

Many have criticised the move, insisting that replacing Dominic Grieve with Chris Grayling is like replacing Sir Stephen Hawking with Danny Dyer, an English actor known for his roles as trailer trash.

As Grayling breathlessly arrived for his first day of meetings, he waved at everyone in the building before walking straight into a storage cupboard clearly marked ‘Cleaning Supplies’ before slowly realising there was no handle on the inside.

At the time of writing, Grayling was still inside the cupboard and after being alone for ninety minutes was seriously considering eating his briefcase.

A government spokesperson told us, “We were hoping that putting Chris Grayling in charge of the Intelligence Committee will soon be able to decide when to release the report into Russian interference in our democracy would conveniently lead to him losing it, or maybe having his dog eat it.

“He has a track record of being very helpful when you need someone to make a really big and costly mistake. But disappearing into a disused cupboard is a close second I suppose.

“Yes, there is a small risk that by merely reading the Russia report he will somehow accidentally tweet it to the entire planet, but it’s probably a risk worth taking.

“Don’t worry though; it’s only the intelligence and security committee with oversight of our entire intelligence infrastructure. What possible damage could result in appointing a man who gave a multi-million-pound shipping contract to a firm that doesn’t actually have any ships?

Grayling is a kind of running sore for the Conservative Party and a running joke for the rest of us. The man nicknamed Failing Grayling has had various top jobs during the David Cameron, Theresa May and now Boris Johnson premierships, and has more or less made a hash out of all of them, committing unforgivable gaffes along the way.

When he was transport secretary under May, he botched the rollout of new railway timetables, causing chaos across the country. In 2018 it was revealed that he had signed a contract with a British freight company, to provide additional freight capacity in case of a No Deal Brexit, that had never run a ferry service and didn’t own any ships.

Over the years he has also had a good line in gaffes and controversies. In 2009, he sparked outrage in Manchester when he appeared to compare Moss Side to The Wire, after going on patrol with Manchester police for a day. He also caught a lot of flak while he was justice secretary for his petty ban on sending books into prisons.

Now, Grayling is bringing all the skills he’s learned over the years to the Intelligence and Security Committee. A man who has been accused of trying (and failing) to edit his own Wikipedia page five times may soon be overseeing the work of our security services.

All of this begs the question: what possible reason is there for Chris Grayling continuing to have a high-level political career? The man’s not so much a Teflon politician as he is a kind of herpes politician, he’s a source of recurring irritation and embarrassment for the Tories but they just can’t get rid of him.

This is beyond ‘jobs for the boys’. Does he have dirt on Boris? Did he have dirt on Cameron and May, too? What does Grayling know? Like this story? Share it with others.

MICHAEL WALSH is an award-winning global journalist, broadcaster and author of 64 book titles with 36 years’ experience.

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