February 21st, 2017
By Ethel Kings
Guest writer for Wake Up World
Pain, Expression, Love, Expansion and Suppression.
I woke up third day in a row with a migraine – and that became a doorway into a new state of awareness. I had had enough of pain, so I decided to face my torturer. I sat down in meditation, mapped the grasp of my pain, its color, texture, shape, and as I could visualize what I was up against, I asked it: What are you trying to tell me? What am I supposed to learn from this? And it spoke to me! This is what it said:
“In my family suppressing our feelings and needs was considered heroic. Suffering was heroic. Sacrifice was heroic. Putting everybody else’s needs first and denying your own was in fact the only valid behavior. If I managed to act as if I have no needs or feelings, I was doing the right thing. But emotions don’t seize from existing just because we pretend they are not there. In time the suppressed energy manifests as a physical malady. In my family physical pain was an asylum, where judgement was dropped and human connection provided. I grew up believing that only physical pain deserved attention. Hence I disowned my feelings and developed migraines. So the thing I thought I was up against, what I called my torturer, was in fact my disowned feelings and needs bursting into pain so they could be seen and heard. My attempts to get rid of the pain as something unwanted, was me rejecting over and over again the wounded part of myself. I had to start treating my pain as a hurt child – accepting it, embracing it, being lovingly present to it, providing it with what it needs.”
I came out of meditation with no pain, feeling completely invigorated.
Our feelings and needs are there for a reason. I believe they are the pathways into all that stands between us and our divine blueprint and that this path towards our divinity passes through all that looks like the opposite of it – which is our humanity – all the wounding, pain, fear, desire, all the vulnerable stuff that we hide away for the sake of self-preservation. But we do not get to divinity by dismissing our humanity. We get there by accepting it, embracing it, being lovingly present to it, providing it with what it needs. Oftentimes what it needs is just to be seen and heard.
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