Tired, Not Defeated
By John Lysaught
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Not physically tired, but emotionally tired—spent. This battle with society and evil is tiresome. Is it worth it? Yes, but it is still tiring, nonetheless. Each day there is adversity at every turn. Honestly, it gets old. It seems like there is no time to take a knee and have a moment of rest outside of prayer time and reading the Word.
My only solace is when I pray before going to sleep. I like to have God as the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep, and so I pray and praise God until I slumber. I wake up and thank God for a new and undiscovered day and get going again, putting on my armor to face the world once again. I tire quickly, though.
I have good days, don’t get me wrong. But even in those good days there is still adversity with which to face and address. Temptations abound. People look down at, and are disparaging against Christians. Make no doubt about it, we are living behind enemy lines. Living at this time in history is trying. I make no excuses that I’m not a strong Christian. I’m just a common man trying to do my best to survive and live on the straight and narrow path.
It’s hard to live in these times. It seems like the world is falling apart around us. Wars and rumors of war are the mainstay in the media. Sexual deviancy surrounds us. People hate us. Society wants to move us out of the way in the name of “progressive” ideology.
As Christians we are seen as old-fashioned in our beliefs. False idols try to lure us in. Family members turn against us. The list can go on and on. Sometimes I feel like we are losing because the boundaries of evil seem to be growing.
I understand God is in control, but sometimes it is hard to see the forest from the trees. Yes, I have hope. I have hope for a better tomorrow each day—before I go to bed and when I when I wake up the next day. But standing in the midst of this battle each day is tiresome. I think I need a break from evil. But it is relentlessly pursuing me, to try to abduct me from the truth I know, and the promises we hold true from God.
Yes, I sound like I’m whining and I am. But I’m guessing this happens to a lot of Christians. It sometimes feels like a long road trip—the destination seems so far away and as if we will never get there. Yes, as believers we will all return to Christ whether taken up in the Rapture or through death of some manner; but living this life still feels unending at times. Life can be trying.
Each day is a gift from God. I forget that a lot as I get moving in the morning. I tend to dwell on my own misery and pity myself for the things I go through, when really, as followers of Jesus we all go through similar trials.
When I stop and ponder my life for a moment or two, I realize that it is not for nil, but then I tumble back into my problems. Kids, work, health and so on, seem to envelope my time—when my time would be better spent on the things of God.
At times, I wonder, with all my “issues” what God’s plan is for me. I get so caught-up in myself that I can’t hear the voice of God trying to guide me through this life. I’ve become a victim of my own demise. I put myself in positions where it makes it hard to hear God. I’ve messed up a lot and I’m left cleaning up those messes into which I’ve gotten myself.
I waste a lot of energy that would not need to be wasted if I would only stop and listen to God. Retrospect gives us 20/20 vision, and only when I look back on my mistakes do I see that the hand of God was trying to steer me clear of destructive paths.
My finances are a mess. It is my own doing. I became selfish and not a good steward of God’s blessings of a good job with good pay. I’m paying for that now. I heard God telling me what not to do with my money, but did I listen? Nope. I listened to society and what society made me think would make me happy.
I was wrong. I only began listening to God when I was drowning in debt and only when my nose was barely above the water line. My fault. But by listening to God’s guidance now, the pool of debt is slowly draining.
My poor health consumes me a lot, too. I get so wrapped up in my problems that I frequently forget God is right there to comfort me. I understand that after the fall of mankind, we live in dysfunctional world that is no longer perfect, lending itself to disease and decay. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier.
Only when I’m at the end of my rope do I seek God for comfort. Yes, I ask for healing all the time from Him. But it has not come yet—so I’ve accepted things for what they are. Yet, I’m still tired.
What I need, what we all need, is more of God in our lives. We can’t fight alone. We can’t stand on our own to face evil or deal with our shortfalls or repercussions. We need God. We need His strength. We need His power in our lives.
I need to find that umph that I used to have. I need to get more connected with God and I need to be more attuned to what the Holy Spirit is telling me. I need to be refreshed and renewed.
In Romans 12:2 (KJV) the apostle Paul says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
I need to get back on track and awaken to God’s will. I’m not 100% sure of what His will is for me in the long run, but I know in the short run my mission for God is to do what I can to encourage and lead people to hope. In my ailments, one of them is fibromyalgia. (If you don’t what that is Google it.)
I’m in pain every day, some not so bad as others. I don’t sleep well (about 2 hours a night, oh and it is 3 am right now), and am fatigued all the time. This is fine, I’m not looking for pity. I trust God even in this (when I remember to).
This ailment, and being bipolar as well, gives me both empathy and sympathy for others facing chronic illnesses and mental health concerns. I can relate to how they feel. I know what it is like to suffer. But, more important, I know there is still hope in and through Christ.
I’ve neglected this aspect of my life. I’ve gotten in a rut of feeling sorry for myself when, in fact, I could use my understanding to bring hope to others that even though they are suffering, there is hope to endure through God and to finish the race in this life in victory.
I’ve forgotten how God has carried me when I seemingly can’t go on anymore. When I’m at my worse, I’ve forgotten to turn to God but have only turned to my own self-pity. Not anymore. I may be tired but I’m not defeated. I can have that strength in God like I did before. I can stop having a pity-party for myself and get out there and fight for the souls of others. Pain, trials, and adversity are temporary—heaven is forever.
As we live here in the end times, evil is trying to snatch us away from God. Satan wants us to be tired. He was us to feel defeated. He wants us to simply give up. I’ve been close to this. I’ve been to the point of throwing my arms up not trying anymore. This is stopping now.
There is hope. Regardless of what is happening in my life or yours, there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is brighter than the sun. All hope is in God. Those who feel like me must take those blinders off. We must keep our eyes on God. We need to renew our minds each day, each hour if need be—to keep us on track to do God’s will.
We need God’s strength, power, grace and mercy to get through each day. Every day may bring fatigue to our souls but we can drink from the fountain of Living Water—Jesus, to regain our strength and keep our focus on Him. It isn’t about us, it is about God and making disciples of men, one person at a time. With God, everything is possible, not with ourselves alone but with God.
I will still feel tired each day of this battle with self and evil, but I will be sustained by God if I let Him sustain me. I may feel like I want to give up at times, but I need to remember God is with me and my job here on earth is not complete until I depart from it. Time is short and there is still a lot of work to be done for God. Hold tight and keep moving forward, one step at a time.
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