I wanna know

“Take me to your river
I wanna go
Oh, go on
Take me to your river
I wanna know”

The lyrics speak to me on a soul level. I feel them calling me to surrender to the deeper knowing within me. And to flow with it.

And I know this. I’ve known this. And I will know it again.

But in between the surrender is, as the new Indigenous salmon tattoo I have on my right inner arm (for my brother who passed suddenly in January) reminds me, the struggling upstream, stopping to catch my breath, to search for the current that supports me, and to take the big leaps towards my destiny.

But the journey’s tumultuous, often deafening the spirit within, and yet in the moments of silence.

I remember.

And I hear the chorus…

“Take me to your river
I wanna go
Take me to your river
I wanna know”

And there it is again.

Sweet surrender.

Also within the lyrics I hear,

“But there’s blood on my hands
And my lips aren’t clean”

Which speaks to the sharpness of words I’ve spoken, silently to myself or aloud, and the wounds those words have inflicted on my heart, and the hearts of others.

My unconsciousness spoke.

I imagine myself stepping into the river.

Washing my hands.

And the chorus plays,

“Take me to your river
I wanna go
Take me to your river
I wanna know”

But like the salmon I watch struggling up stream.

Beaten.

Warn down.

On their journey to plant the seeds of the future and then to surrender to make room for the new.

I struggle with the anxiety to let go.

If I surrender where will it lead me?

Where does the river go?

Where will I go?

I see my brothers smiling face.

And the chorus plays,

“Take me to your river
I wanna go
Take me to your river
I wanna know”

And as walk further into the river, and the fear of surrender grabs my arm,

I’m reminded that in letting go, I may lose many things.

But I will find myself.

And the chorus plays,

“Take me to your river
I wanna go
Take me to your river
I wanna know”

I miss you brother.

But I’m coming.

I’m stepping in the river.

On my journey up stream.

I’m feeling the struggle.

I’m stopping to rest.

I’m taking the big leaps.

I’m swimming towards destiny.

And in that place.

We will meet again.

by Shayne Traviss

 Pine Watt