Disclaimer: Please do not read the following if you are under 18 years old.
You clicked on this because the title was intriguing in either one of two ways -
“What happened after you met him?”
“How is this even possible?”
(Or maybe both.)
Well, let me tell you the story.
He really was extremely attractive. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes, chiseled features, deep voice. (Think Colton Haynes type of look). I mean, there was no way to not be attracted to him.
Until, he opened his mouth.
And it wasn’t exactly the foul language that was a turn-off. But the way he talked – about himself, about what he did the night before, about women – the way he objectified them and the way he bragged about all the things he’s done with them.
Now mind you, I was (at the time) a twenty-one year old woman standing in a group of five guys as this one super-attractive-slowly-losing-points-guy was ranting on and on, with a big smile on his face, about the strip club he’d recently gone to and how many dollar bills he’d tipped the girls and how he was unhappy with a certain lap dance he was given and how drunk he got so that $1,000 went missing from his bank account – which he only discovered the next day after recovering from his massive hangover.
Needless to say, I could feel the heat rising in my face and my muscles started to tense. But before I could say anything, one of the guys in the group pointed to me and said “She got a $100 tip at her work.” (I’m a barista, in case any new readers are visiting)
Mr. Attractive-But-Not turned to look at me. ”For reals?”
“Yup,” I nodded.
“I’ve given that sort of tip before.”
“Yeah, but I kept all my clothes on,” I stated, firmly.
He snorted, while the other guys laughed.
The topic changed to marriage and he encouraged my friend to “Never get married because getting married is the worst thing you could ever do with your life. I was married for 3 months and it was hell.”
(Raquel’s brain is thinking: Really? I wonder why…)
Yeah, that was pretty much the last straw for me. I was livid. I quickly turned and walked away. Not because I didn’t know what to say, but because I knew that if I opened my mouth, it wouldn’t be a very good Christian witness. I chose to not say anything because I knew the moment I did, I would only say things out of anger. It also just wasn’t the right place to start a debate.
Now what I’m trying to figure out is… Why? Simply why. Why does this guy have to be attractive but be a major jerk too? Why does he feel the need to brag about all the crap he’s been involved in? Why does he cuss so much? – not just every other sentence but more like, his vocabulary consists of verbs, nouns and adjectives that are all cuss words. His own brother even told me “Oh you two met? Yeah, I’d hate to be a girl around him.”
I sure as heck don’t live up to that verse every day. I’m sure a few of my friends can testify that the words that come out of my mouth aren’t always good or pure ones. So that whole sermon really hit me in a convicting and humbling sort of way. I was like “Wow. Everything I say or think about really does matter.” We will give an account before a holy and just God for every single thought we have, and every word we ever utter.
Meeting this attractive guy and seeing how unattractive he slowly became the more and more he talked made me wonder how often I have been perceived as such to others. How many people have I met who thought I was a fun, cool, pretty girl but once they hung out with me for a while, they slowly changed their minds about me? That really sucks to think about, because I’m sure it’s happened on more than one occasion. I wish I knew who I could apologize to and who I could re-meet so that I could live up to a better example of the One I serve. It just goes to show how imperfect we, as Christians, still are. Just because we preach about “having clean mouths” and “being good witnesses” doesn’t mean that we won’t be prone to fall short of our convictions. But we need to constantly be aware of how we are portraying our Savior through not only our words and actions, but even through our thoughts.
Soon after we met, Mr. Attractive-But-Not tipped me a $2 bill for a coffee I made him. He said that he had gotten it at a strip club when he pulled cash to tip the dancers. (There are a couple strip clubs in the Portland area that only give out $2 instead of $1 bills.)
I think beneath all the cussing and fake confidence, he really is just a kind, sweet, handsome man who has been hurt by the world and had made wrong choices in previous years that turned around and burnt him. He knew he was hot stuff, though, and a lot of times, people like that will hide behind their outward appearance, hoping that others would just see them as hot stuff too – and not the real them. Not the real person who doesn’t want to show their broken heart, the scars, the mangled mess of torment they’re in.
A year and a half later, I still have that $2 bill. I pinned it up on my board to serve as a reminder to pray for him. I haven’t seen him since but hey, you don’t have to be in contact with someone to know that God is using your prayers.
Oh and trust me, it reminds me to pray for myself. God alone can testify to how many times I’ve had to bite my tongue to not utter negative words. And I know my family, coworkers, and church family can say there have been occasions when I said things that shouldn’t have been said. There’s a fine line between honesty and too much bluntness, Raquel. It’s all a part of life. It’s a learning process. The tongue is untamable, yet the Spirit of the One who made it resides in us. Kind of a crazy thought, huh?
My pastor is currently teaching through a series called Voice Control. Check out his messages here.
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