Blame is Not to Blame

August 20th, 2019

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

blame | bl?m | verb [with object] assign responsibility for a fault or wrong

Nobody likes to be “blamed.” But do we truly take issue with blame, or with the accountability blame seeks? By examining what blame means, we see there’s no harm in it. More likely, we don’t like being accountable or taking responsibility. Why might this be so?

Emotional maturity is marked by admitting our faults, acknowledging what’s most likely true, changing our minds, making amends, correcting behavior, and working on ourselves to heal the roots of our shortcomings. Awareness and self-honesty begin the process of this self-reflection, and both are hallmarks of emotional intelligence. Without them, we go nowhere. We just create more war, hurt, and disharmony.

Unfortunately, many unconsciously equate accountability with shame. “I made a mistake” becomes “I am a bad person.” That’s mistaking accountability (taking responsibility for a mistake or poor judgment) for worthlessness (I am bad and a POS for doing so), which is a misperception and a possible sign of past wounding clouding the present. If this happens, we can undo it this way: a) acknowledge our misperception b) act as though we are not bad and worthless c) work with the roots of shame, via grief work and affirmations, to heal our sense of worthlessness.

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Recommended articles by Jack Adam Weber:

• The Modern Shaman: Fierce Love at the Frontier of Madness
• When We Love an Addict – Courage and the Limits of Compassion
• Arrogance in Relationships: How to Deal With and Heal It
• ReVOLUTION: When Enough is Enough
• Sex – Truth and Dare, Pleasure and Purpose
• Relationships: The Costs of Staying When We Should Leave
• Yin Yang — Ancient Wisdom for Personal and Planetary Transformation
• Heartbreak – Loving Ourselves Through Difficult Times
• Grief-Work: Healing the Shadows of Trauma and Pain
• Do We

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