Michael Dean Perry, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 45)

Name: Michael Dean Perry
Team: Cleveland Browns
Position: Defensive line
Value of card: 6 bottles of Nair
Key 1990 stat: 7 wrestling matches with a Fridge
The shame returns: Yes, it’s still baseball season, but preseason football is here, and that’s all the reason we need to subject you all to more Shameful Sunday Portraits. Get ready to cringe!
Conversation between Michael Dean Perry and a Pro Line photographer, circa August 1991:
Michael Dean Perry: “OK, OK. I know what I want to do.”
Pro Line photographer: “Mr. Perry, please just put on your pads and go stand on the field.”
MDP: “Nope, I have a better idea. Don’t need these.”
PLP: “Mr. Perry, please put your pants back on.”
MDP: “No sir, I’m free as a bird. Just look at these legs.”
PLP: “Those are very nice legs, Mr. Perry. But we have a photo shoot to conduct.”
MDP: “I know, I know. Here’s my idea: I got pantsless and hang from the goalpost.”
PLP: “That’s not going to work, Mr. Perry.”
MDP: “OK, how about I go pantsless and sit on a tackling dummy.”
PLP: “I’m sorry, but my editor will not be OK with that.”
MDP: “How about this: I go pantsless and hang out in the stands.”
PLP: “Well, you’ll be hanging out regardless, I guess. Let’s get this over with.”
MDP: “Yayyy! Best photo shoot eva!”