Tim Burton Movie With Yet Another Elizabeth Look-Alike

I have a Netflix subscription and order DVDs as well as watch what’s available streaming. Last week, I finally got to watch Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street on DVD. It was a fun, if darkly comic movie. I enjoyed it for what it was…

What startled me about the movie was the actress who played Johanna Barker, Sweeney Todd’s daughter– and how they had her wear her hair long and…

*takes a deep breath*

I’ve already mentioned that Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow movie had Christina Ricci with long, blond, wavy hair and she looked a great deal like my (supposed) hybrid daughter, whom I named Elizabeth. I posted some pics. Now, with this movie, I see Tim Burton has a “thing” for a certain type of heroine, only THIS time he found someone who nailed that look with actress Jayne Wisener. Ms. Wisener has very soulful eyes, of a certain weird shape, and an oddly proportioned body, with an extra long and skinny neck, and a tiny nose and mouth.

When she showed up in the movie, I gasped and my heart did a few flip-flops– because this character was so much closer to what I remember Elizabeth looks like now.

I think the character is supposed to be this sweet, innocent, gentle ingenue figure. But in reality, she looks rather creepy. Pretty-ish, but there is something a little “off” about how she looks. And its not just in dim light either…

See what I’m saying about the neck? The nose is almost absurdly tiny. She looks like a doll. Which is what I think inspired me to name the girl who was presented to me long ago after a favorite doll of mine I called Elizabeth.

I feel haunted by what slight segments of memory I possess. What else is there that I can’t remember? It drives me mad.

I had to watch the movie a few times over. Once because I missed so much of the story whenever Jayne Wisener was on screen– I was so captivated I forgot to pay attention to anything except the comparisons going on in my head! Then I just watched those segments over and over. I surprised myself by weeping a couple of times with that upwelling of deep sadness.

If Elizabeth isn’t real– then how can I possibly keep shocking myself with my own emotional reactions? And why is it so much more pronounced with HER as opposed to the other children whose existence I supposedly donated eggs to? (Well, involuntarily ‘donated’- what’s the phrase for ‘had my eggs stolen’?) I remember her a bit better, but why?

You know what scares the heck out of me? The thought that those times they introduced me to a roomful of hybrid children– that…  they were ALL my kids? YEEKS. With artificial wombs I suppose anything is possible. However, as far as disappearing pregnancies are concerned, I remember only 6, but that first one got– I presume– successfully flushed before retrieval.

“Only 6” I say, as if such things are familiar things for me. Do you know what it’s like to try to explain yet another supposed miscarriage to friends and relatives– knowing you can’t tell them NO FETUS actually came out? Even if it was there to begin with for sure, and you know that because you had an ultrasound? Wake up one morning and its gone– again? The heartbreak and the rage? The last time was 2006, almost 5 months along, doc visits and I thought it was my baby with Gerick. Surprise– apparently not. Or if it was, they took it anyway. Woke up one morning and the baby was gone. Really– that was probably the true source of my deep, suicidal depression that year. It was one too many times. We had names picked out. I felt it move– not kick, just the tumbling end over end thing they can do that some women can’t feel that early. Yet I didn’t write about it honestly back then, preferring to just sort of gloss over the truth. I almost stopped writing for months…

Only 6. The first 3 I was a virgin. The last 3 I was with Gerick and we expected to be expecting, but it was more of the same nonsense. Disappearing pregnancies.

And I lie about it in general to most people if it even comes up. I just say I had a miscarriage if I feel forced to say anything at all. But its not true. I’ve NEVER actually ever had a miscarriage in which I SAW a fetus emerge, except for that very first time I’ve already written about. Other than that its a case of 3 to almost 5 months along and then– POOF! Gone. After 2006 we stopped trying to get pregnant. I wanted a family, as did Gerick. We really did. But after 6 times I was scared. You think this is the kind of thing you can discuss with a regular doctor, or even a typical counselor of any kind? No way. Its off the table as far as topics go. You DO NOT talk about this with professionals. Because they most likely won’t believe you. Even with witnesses to the aliens, the UFOs, the fact the pregnancy is gone. Its not acceptable to believe, so they CAN’T, so its off the table unless you want a little trip to the special place with the “I-love-me” coats. You lie about it. I lie about it because what choice do I have? Even saying it here, in this semi-anonymous format is very difficult. But if I’m going to share this part of my life, might as well go for broke and tell you every damn thing.

Like my obsession over stupid things like weird-looking actresses who remind me of some girl I kept seeing over the last 23 years, because she might be my daughter. A creepy doll-girl hybrid named Elizabeth. How pathetic.

At Spiral\’s End: What\’s Left After the Paradigm Shatters is the personal paranormal blog of a woman that follows not only current odd events in her life, but recounts incidents from her past, including lifelong alien abductions, encounters with ghosts and other spiritual beings, and premonitions from either waking visions or dreams. She reacts and speculates about the deeper meaning behind these incidents and wonders– what is the ultimate reality or intelligence behind it all?