Missing My Friends From Other Lives

I’ve been doing some reading on reincarnation for a few days. For obvious reasons, the reality of reincarnation is not in doubt to me and every now and again I like to see what new studies have come out and pour over those plus the stories stemming from new cases.

Once again, as I was reading, the idea was niggling in the back of my mind that I don’t feel quite in step with my life now. The occult stuff I don’t know– I don’t recall a past life with any ghosts or faeries or anything– so there’s that. And of course the modern world is slightly shocking and alienating and yet tremendous fun in many ways. But that’s not what I mean, either.

I know there are karmic ties between myself and my father, and more with my sister and maternal first cousins. I am also aware of ties to my friends Cat and Robin– both from the same past life. None of that feels odd to me– more like old business that is either being turned around (from enemies to close friends) or past connections being explored or bad karma being hashed through. So that part of my life seems to make sense on this intimate and intrinsic level. I don’t know that I’ve made much progress with other individuals regarding family stuff, but at least I seem to be getting my own stuff sorted out a little there.

What I mean is that I feel out of my element and out of place with most of the other people I know aside from a couple of friends and my family.  Being around Flora, or around people like ‘Meka’ and ‘Fawna’ always hits me in this weird way– like they remind me of the kinds of friends I am used to having and maybe even incarnating with in many lives or something. I can’t quite get away from the notion that I’m separated from a group of souls that incarnate together– often as friends or family– this time around.

And I really fucking miss those people! Like… badly.

I’ve felt that “I miss you” feeling for that group of souls since I was a kid, and I’ve had that aspect to my private emotional life as long as I can remember. I feel exceptionally lonely without them around. Now, to be clear, Flora and several of her friends (pagan hippies essentially) don’t seem familiar to me as in I’ve known them before– because though I was pleased to meet her, I did not recognize Flora, or- for that matter- any of that group. However, something about how she is (as well as several people I know from that entire extended social network) just seems familiar to me when it comes to their spirit, their energy, and their approach to life. Its as if they remind me of that group of soul friends I miss so desperately. Not the same people, but I find a strange level of both comfort (for the similarity in nature) and yet nostalgic melancholy for what I feel so separated from this time around.

I have always felt as if a little piece of me was looking around for those friends, and I feel bereft without them. ~A continuous, low-grade, keening longing is always there for them. Its sort of embarrassing to admit to– and I feel a little ashamed too– as if I’m not appreciating the friends I have now or something! Its like I’m separated from my longtime school chums and can’t quite get over the homesickness– not for a place, but for a group of people that made my life FEEL like home. Does that make any sense?

Though its not an ongoing, conscious obsession or anything, every once in a while I take a few minutes to acknowledge that uncomfortable feeling. Now back to my regularly scheduled life…