Ethan & the Square Portal In Our Kitchen (Summer/Early Autumn 1992)

I realized that if I’m up to THIS memory, I don’t have many left before all the important ones I recall will be told. Which means I’ll probably be finished with my advice and memories in At Spiral’s End by the end of May. Which further means I can begin work on my next draft (and blog based on that) this summer! It will be more re-writing and editing than sharing raw stories, so it will get done much faster than my last project. I’ll keep At Spiral’s End for updates on any new incidents or encounters, and for further commentary as it occurs to me.

The next three memories I share will be among the most important and interesting I have ever shared. In the top 5 all-time most intriguing by my estimation, anyways! I know I’ve made people wait a long time to hear these memories, and at last your patience will pay off. I wish I had been able to get to this sooner, but at least I made it eventually, eh?

I will also be going back through my journals to make sure I didn’t miss sharing anything. Like I found a reference to a visit at a friend Sherry’s house that happened that summer that I almost forgot to record here! That will be in two weeks, and in four weeks, I’ll share what happened when I was seen with greys by neighbors who called the police and then got military harassment.

Moving along–!

Here’s a photo of where we lived at the time (these are much more recent). The house on the right with the picket fence and blue trim is where Gerick’s parents lived, and where I lived for a few months. The house on the left is actually 2 apartments, and we lived on the top floor.

After we came back from vacation, things remained– juiced up. Gerick and I started inviting friends and members of his family to spend the night with us just so we felt less isolated (even though his parents lived just next door.) We also began drinking more in an attempt to relax a little. I’ve never been able to handle alcohol well, and so I think the only time I ever passed out from drinking was during that period (plus maybe my first New Year’s Eve after turning 21). At the time, I didn’t relate the higher levels of consumption with the stress from constant sleep interruptions and general weirdness, but to be totally fair, I think I should include this information.

However, none of the memories I’m relating or WILL be relating occurred before, during, or after a party– with ONE exception– a party at Sherry’s that will be told next week. But in that case, I barely drank anything while everyone else got wasted. People want to know if substances could have interfered with perceptions, and I think that’s a fair question, and I will make sure I report accurately on that aspect of my own behavior and that of others with me during these events.

I believe this next incident happened in late July of 1992, but its possible it was late August or even September. I wrote about it later in the fall, but I didn’t write the date, because at the time, I was too overwhelmed to be organized and had not yet realized how long it would be before I touched that memory with a 100-foot pole! I assumed it was too monumental to EVER forget. And I never forgot the details, but I did forget exactly when it happened.

Regardless, it was warmish that night, we had no guests, and no alcohol was consumed as Gerick had work the next day. We went to bed like any other night– and there was contact with aliens, but unlike most other memories, I recalled nearly 100% of the incident, from beginning to end, with just one odd piece in the middle I’m still a little confused about…

It began with someone shaking me awake on my shoulder. (At the time, we were sleeping on a mattress on the floor of a side attic off the kitchen, and I was on the outside by the window, while Gerick slept next to the sloped ceiling.) I awoke, confused, to see a silhouette of a man. I startled, as you may imagine! But quickly recovered as the telepathic ‘feel’ came over me. It was a human looking blond man, with wide shoulders, and I knew roughly who this was…the blond man Gerick saw regularly who came to be called “Ethan” many years later.

I sat up a little, and said, “Do you want me to wake Gerick?“ because I assumed he had come for Gerick, and I was only too happy to pass the whole thing off to my then boyfriend (aren’t I generous?!) and then roll over to go back to sleep like a good little abductee who was off duty for once.

The blond man whispered back, “Not yet. We actually want to talk to you for a few minutes.”

I blinked and shook my head a little, “Me?! Um… okay, I guess...”

The guy was on his knees, given his height (maybe 6’8″ or so) and the low ceiling, he could only stand up again awkwardly and then hunch quite a bit to get through our low door into the kitchen. I followed, utterly perplexed but not the slightest bit afraid. I was used to this group of aliens being with Gerick and could not imagine them having any reason to deal with me at all. But whatever! I smacked my lips and rubbed my eyes and went into the kitchen.

The blond man (I’ll refer to him as ‘Ethan’ from this point forward to differentiate him from other Blond people) asked me to sit with him at the kitchen table to talk, but I was too astonished to listen for a few seconds because of how my kitchen had been transformed…

Most of the room was completely normal, but the north wall was all– distorted, and everything against it was missing! Strangest of all, there was the darkest black matte square (about 5′ x 5′) in the northwest corner of the room!

Okay– this is going to take a little description because it’s difficult to liken it to anything else I’ve ever seen…

The wall itself was still vaguely whitish, but the surface was no longer paint over drywall or sheet-rock. Instead, it was blurry, wavy and indistinct. Still– there was no motion seen, but it was difficult to say where the wall surface was located exactly. Almost like looking at a photograph of a wall where petroleum jelly had been smeared over the lens. The only area that seemed to match up with where the wall had originally been was the black square, which had a definite, distinctive surface– but more on that in a minute. The wall area was so vague, it was hard to even focus on it. My eyes and brain were confused and kept trying to re-focus, over and over, like trying to take a photo through a bad camera setting. The effect was around 6 inches or so in depth to where I thought the wall should be– that is, the wavy fuzziness was about 6 inches in depth… sort of.

Everything against that wall was GONE. The fridge in the northeast corner? Missing. The window smack in the middle of the wall? Not there. The fish tank that was against the northwest corner? The flat black square was in its place.

Oh, and that flat black square? That was the most strange thing of all. Like I said, it had a very distinctive surface. It looked like the blackest square sheet of paper you could imagine just stuck to where the wall used to be. It ran from the floor up about 5 feet high and was about 5 feet across. It didn’t even look like a hole. Just a flat square made of blackness.

All I could think to say was, “Where did my fridge and window go?“

He replied, “They’re still there. We just overlapped them. Don’t worry about it.“

I shook my head, “If you say so...” I wanted to ask more questions, but Ethan had me sit in a chair facing away from the wall (we had a small table with 4 chairs in the middle of the kitchen.)

It wasn’t a long conversation, but I recall he did not ask me about deep and cool things. Ethan just wanted to know how we were doing in life in general. He asked about my health, and he asked about Gerick’s. The whole time I spoke to him, I stared mostly at the table in front of me, often at my hands. I don’t remember when exactly he told me to do so, yet I know he did. He did not want me to look at his face, and had me avoid looking at him in general– which was a little awkward to me. In our culture, not looking a person in the face during a conversation is considered rude, but it was a requirement. I made some quick side glances when I could, but if he caught me, he directed me back to looking at the table. Still, I noted his yellow blond hair, his bony, strong face, his sensuous lips… I noted the quality of his audible voice– a mild baritone. He had no accent I could detect (which means he spoke like someone from the West Coast of the United States). He spoke to me in audible English, but also inaudibly in telepathy. Often both together, sort of supplementing one another.

I remember the end of the questioning the best. I was asked about any health problems Gerick was having. I told Ethan that Gerick was starting to have nerve problems because he was dipping his hands into a toxic solvent as a part of his machine shop work. It was toxic enough to be against the law to use without wearing protective gear, but the owner of the shop didn’t want to put out the expense. Now Gerick had hands and wrists covered by odd small bumps and some other worrisome symptoms were starting to show up that seemed linked to the exposure to industrial toxins.

In my peripheral vision, I could see Ethan shaking his head and looking down at the ground. Telepathically, I picked up his distress and disgust at such circumstances. I used his emotional reaction as a moment I could look up at his face, and quickly realized I had to keep thinking of our conversation, not that I was defying his instructions, or else he would direct me to look away again.

He assured me they would check Gerick out, but then he stood up and had me stand up. Maybe he picked up on something, or maybe my information changed plans slightly? In any event, he asked me about the bathroom, and I helpfully showed him where it was. However, when we reached it, he mentioned the odd wall texture in there (it was wood paneling painted white) and pointed at it. I looked at it and started to ask him if he cared about things like interior decor… but then I found myself almost nose to wall, staring at it in a sort of wonder. He tricked me into being Fascinated. I’m not sure how long I stared at that AMAZING rippled wood paneled wall, but I was definitely in a sort of trance state. I am not sure for how long.

Next thing I know, he’s come back into the room, and I ‘woke up’ and looked around like, ‘What the fuck?!‘ but we were soon back in the kitchen, where I saw the wavy wall with the black square same as before (Note: NOT a dream! Dreams SHIFT!) Now he was telling me to go tell Gerick that They were there and wanted to speak with him. I tried to ask where he went while I was in the bathroom, but mentally it sort of got pushed to the side. I shrugged and went on with things.

I ducked through the low door from the kitchen into the little attic room, and went to the bed and knelt down next to Gerick. I shook his shoulder like mine had been shook and I said, “Gerick! Gerick! The aliens are here! The blond guy is out in the kitchen, and he told me to tell you he wants to talk to you. I think they might do something to help you with your health problems!“

So he got up, dutifully, like perhaps many abductees do, and clumsily lurched across the attic and ducked through the door into the kitchen. I found interacting with the human ones much more interesting and less frightening than with greys, and so I stood up to follow him. I got only a few steps before I was hit with a wave of dizziness, such as I’ve described before. The room spun under violent vertigo and I literally fell to the ground. Even on my hands and knees my vision spun madly, and I quickly realized it was an artificially induced state to prevent me from returning to the kitchen.

“FUUUCK!“ I breathed in frustration!

Very slowly, I commando-crawled my way back to the mattress bed, grateful for once that our bed was on the floor! As I made my way there, belly scraping the carpet, the room felt like it was just randomly moving in space. It was incredible. I couldn’t believe They would do that to me! And as I at last pulled my body up onto our bed, I found myself quietly pissed…

… pissed enough to stay awake as I concentrated on breathing, in and out, in and out. I carefully, agonizingly, rolled over so I could breathe more freely than with blankets against my face, and it felt like I was going to fall into the ceiling, the wall, the floor…. aaaagh! So I laid there and listened as Gerick greeted Ethan, and then I heard them leave the kitchen– but though their voices got further away, I could still hear them. The dizziness wouldn’t let up, so I employed Gerick’s trick of letting my thoughts get fuzzy and wander into aimlessness, as if I had fallen asleep and begun to dream.

IT WORKED!!!

Within a minute of the mental exercise, the dizziness let up in all of a few seconds. I waited another couple of minutes, listening to Gerick’s strangely far off, but still distinct voice. He was talking in a jovial way to someone I could tell.

I waited another 10 minutes or so, maybe 15. Then I couldn’t stand it anymore! My curiosity got the best of me. I sat up carefully and found all was normal. I looked at the bedside clock. I noticed my notebook and pen over to the side of the bedroom. I carefully crawled over, but it seemed I wasn’t being monitored, so I opened it to a blank page– I had to get a message to myself! I always forgot stuff, and I was worried I wouldn’t be allowed to remember this either! I quickly scrawled some words:

“blond man, weird wall, big black square, bathroom wall???,
told to get Gerick– he went, tried to follow & DIZZY ATTACK!
Going out to look! Time: 3:43am.”

I didn’t want to attract attention, but I wanted to be sure I’d pick it up to read later. I looked around, trying to think quickly. Who knew when Gerick would be returned? I finally just turned it over, leaving the page I wrote on exposed, and put it under our clock radio. It never went there– but it wasn’t so weird anyone would take special notice besides me in the morning. I hoped I could sneak it past Their censors this way.

Satisfied, I slowly stood up. No dizziness! Gratefully, I carefully made my way across the bedroom and opened the door to the kitchen. I could still hear Gerick talking. He was laughing with a woman. I peeped out. The kitchen looked the same as it did when Ethan was there– normal except the one wall. The voices were coming from the flat black square. [Again, note-- unlike a dream, the changes stayed consistent!]

Was that a… DOOR!? I had wondered if it was, but did the black thing open up or what? I stepped into the kitchen, testing my mind state. I felt totally normal for the moment. I didn’t quite feel ‘right’ when the alien man was there– noted! I walked across the kitchen, and looked briefly into the bathroom and living room. No one was there. Our cats weren’t in sight. (Our pets typically HIDE when alien activity is afoot.) I then made up my mind to check the black square THING.

I got closer and closer, and when I was within about– 2 feet? A foot and a half?– of the flat black surface, it– changed. It shifted from just blackness into an opening to another room!! I had to duck a little to poke my head through, and I realized that this was some sort of portal or doorway created by the Greys, who are typically so much shorter than humans, let alone the tall humans we were often seeing!

[One thing I will be adding to these reports are floor plans to the ships because it is SO hard to describe all these details in words, and I can think in terms of maps and floor plans.]

I could see Gerick, still wearing his bicycle shorts and black t-shirt he’d gone to bed in. He was standing at a sort of console-like structure built into a convex wall that was rounded– like a small portion of a round ship. I was seen immediately by one of the taller humans wearing all blue coveralls and suddenly I was hit with a weird confused state. Was it sticking my head through the door with part of my body in ONE place, and part in ANOTHER that caused the mental distortion? Or was it telepathic mind control crap again? I don’t know, but I think it was more mind control.

Now I was wondering how there was a hole in our wall to the next-door neighbor’s house? How could I miss such a thing? It was like my logic centers were turned off or something and I forgot what I had just gone through earlier in the night.

I walked into the strange room all the way and I approached Gerick, the only familiar thing I knew. I focused on him because the rest was all too confusing. The bowed out wall where he was standing made me think: “ship”– but the rest of the room wasn’t what I expected at all. I started to walk towards Gerick. He was talking to a rather short but fat woman who was in her late 60s. She had grey hair pulled into a braid like a crown going around the top of her head, and she was wearing a long lavender nightgown or kaftan dress. He saw me over the older woman’s shoulders and scowled deeply, “What are YOU doing here?!“

I was taken aback by his rudeness. And fighting the confusion. HE wasn’t confused at all, I could tell! What was going ON anyway? I told him I could hear him talking and got up to see who he was talking to and found the door in our kitchen wall.

I added, “I didn’t know we had a doorway to the next door neighbor’s house!“ and at that, the old woman laughed and laughed! She even made Gerick smile. Though she was laughing at me, I couldn’t help but like the old lady. She seemed like one of the original hippies or maybe an artist– eccentric and determined to be HER no matter what. Very much from our world, but probably considered a little ‘off’ by most who knew her. But hey– she was taking trips on ships to talk to people, so I guess she had a good reason to be different! May as well go with it, you know? I could respect that.

The woman jokingly said to him, “I guess I live next door to the devil’s vocalist!“ and then they both laughed at the inside joke. Obviously referring to Gerick’s bitchy attitude I think NOW, but at the time, I was just… lost. I could tell it was an inside joke, but my brain was so befuddled.

Gerick decided to be more polite and introduced me to the woman, “This is Gwendolyn,” he said [Note: Gwendolyn was her REAL name] and then told her my name. I said hello, nervously, because I realized some people wearing light blue coveralls were hanging around and it seemed I’d caused an issue. Gerick noticed as well and said, “You’re not supposed to be here!” He acted like I was embarrassing him!

Gwen shushed him, and patted my arm reassuringly. She told me they were just there for a visit. As I looked at her face, I was struck by her close resemblance to our abductee friend, “Leanne”. Leanne’s family are Italian, and they are all slender and a little more tan with longer noses. Leanne, by contrast, was slightly plump, with a very round, Dutch looking face and cheeks, very fair, with blue eyes and a small, dainty nose. This Gwen looked like her mother! Leanne wasn’t adopted or anything– but the resemblance couldn’t have been a coincidence I felt at the time. (I still have no idea what to think now, years later.)

My thoughts wandered, though, and I turned my attention to the rest of the room, which was extremely surprising to me. I was beginning to realize it WAS a ship, not ‘next door’ but some things didn’t add up. For one thing, the middle of the large room (roughly 50 feet by 25 feet?) had some large things under a soft, velour-looking lavender fabric! It looked like they were hiding something under there. I said something about it and Gwen said she loved purple! I walked over to look at the walls that were straight up and down (opposite of the bowed wall where Gerick and Gwen were standing) and I was surprised to see that it was covered in wallpaper! Purple with tiny, white, flowers including stems and leaves! A simple design, and one I’d actually seen before in a store.

Wait… WHAT!?!

Because I turned to look back towards where I came in, I couldn’t help but notice the opening I came through now appeared to be a big, black square! A few things started to make sense then. I was on a UFO/ship! That weird black thing must have been a portal or dimensional door of some kind! The wall where the big black square was on THIS side was ALSO oddly blurred out! I started to look at it and figure things out… Didn’t someone say something about ‘overlapping realities’??

But then one of the blue-bedecked people who were watching us moved towards me, and I heard them quietly talking to Gerick and Gwen as I found myself absorbed and utterly Fascinated by the AMAZINGLY intricate flowered wallpaper!!! I even put my hands up and touched it as once more I was almost nose to the wall!!

(I SWEAR that is the most annoying mind trick!!)

A couple of minutes passed that way, before I managed to shake it off a little. Gwen, it seemed, was taking pity on me, I heard her say something like, “Do you have to do that to her?” I pulled away and moved back towards the center of the room. I could see two hallways branching off the room, opposite to where the black square portal was placed. There seemed to be maybe 5 or 6 people in the room, including myself, Gerick, and Gwen, the shortest people and all still in our bed clothes!

A shorter, fat man with darker hair came in with a younger boy. They were both dressed in day clothes and not coveralls. He was carrying some paper bags, and dropped one. Were those groceries?!? The dark-haired boy helped him pick it up. Gwen introduced them as her son and grandson, but I don’t recall their names. I realized Gerick was talking about what to do with me with the other people, and I was once more trying to shake off the mental scrambling.

I saw a slender, blond girl of perhaps 8 years old. She was watching me around a corner from the hallway I couldn’t see into– the one the man and boy had entered from. I looked at her, confused, but I smiled and said “hi” anyway. She looked worried. She was wearing blue coveralls too. She had big eyes, but not overly so– today I would say she resembled AnnaSophia Robb. She looked like a young Blond– tall for her age, and bright, and very pretty.

Anyways, she seemed to make a decision while looking at me. Before anyone could fuck with me any further, she darted out and said to everyone in the room, “How about I give her a tour?” There was a slight pause, and then she grabbed my hand and took me down the hallway around the corner. I followed her and I could see it was a corridor that wasn’t all that long– 80 feet?– with doors periodically. She opened the first door, and ushered me inside. “This is a bedroom? See? We have places to sleep just like you!“

I looked around. Two sets of bunk beds with covers, plus a dresser. Small but cozy enough. I nodded at her, sure… sure…

Then she took me back out to the hall. She started to take me to the next room, but an adult in coveralls stopped her, said something to her about that being far enough. She looked displeased and frustrated. I could relate! But she kept a hold of my hand and pulled me to the door opposite the bedroom. I was starting to get confused again. What kind of house or apartment WAS this, anyway?!?

Then she opened that door and I could see it was a bathroom of all things! She sort of pushed me inside, and when an adult came up behind her, she turned to them, “I’m taking her in here for a few minutes, okay? Just leave us alone!! We’ll be fine!!” Then she shut the door on the guy!

(For the record, that little girl is my fucking HERO. This chick is going places in her adulthood, of that I have no doubt! She’d be about 24 today. If she had not pulled me out of the fray and given me a few minutes to collect my thoughts, I would not have remembered the whole night like I did. Wherever you are– THANKS kid!)

Once we were alone, she gave me a big sigh, “There! Now they won’t keep messing with you! I just wanted to show you some things, since you’re here.” As she spoke, my confusion began to clear up, and I began to feel more normal again… I sat on top of a toilet with the seat down and she sat on the edge of the tub.

She chattered for a few minutes, “So we have bathrooms, just like you do on Earth…”

…and of course I’m thinking– “A-HA!”

“… and we have chores to clean them, just like you do. So… it’s all pretty normal here.” She went on, very eager to tell me how similar to Earth-life it was on this ship. I guess they didn’t give her the memo to keep me from realizing all that! She was almost bragging about how Earth-like her life was! I was tempted to ask what they did to simulate going outside to a yard, but wisely refrained.

I stopped her at one point, “Hey– are you… are you Sara?” [Note: Real name.]

She looked rather shocked, “How…? Yeah, but how did you know that?“

I smiled, “I’m just guessing. Gerick told me he had a daughter named Sara who was blond, and– I don’t know, you seem about the right age… Are you THAT Sara?“

She just looked at me and seemed about to nod, when we got interrupted. It was an adult saying it was time for me to go. We got up, but I turned to her first and thanked her for the tour, and the break (in mind control I was thinking–) and then joined Gerick, who was waiting by the black square, rather impatiently, I must add.

I followed him, and this time got to watch him duck down to go through first. I got close enough to see the blackness turn to an opening into our kitchen, and I followed along. I noted the ship was cooler in temperature than our kitchen rather obviously, but there was no wind from the air passing between the two rooms. As we stepped into the kitchen, Gerick bitched that he was EXHAUSTED and he wanted to get a little more sleep before he had to get up to go to work (at 4:45 in the morning!)

I followed, turning off the kitchen light that had been ON the whole time before going into our attic bedroom. He crawled into bed first, and then I did, checking to make sure the alarm was still set for work. I also noted the time was 4:17am. Not much catch up sleep to be had! The return trip I felt more cogent, and by now knew that They could make portals directly into our houses! It was such a remarkable set of memories to contemplate. WHAT A NIGHT! I laid down, feeling very awake– if slightly fuzzy-headed and ‘dreamy’, and looked up at the sloped ceiling above me, going over the night’s events. What an incredible night!

ONE thing still confused me, though, and so I sat up again to ask Gerick a question, I asked him, “What did Gwen mean when she referred to you as the ‘Devil’s Vocalist’?“

And, just as the last syllable “ist” was leaving my mouth, it was like a switch was thrown, and reality sort of ‘popped’– or else my mind did. But suddenly I was in a completely wide awake normal beta mind state!

Oh my gawd!

I looked over at our clock radio– and at the notebook I had placed under it. Still there! I slid it out from under the clock and turned it over (we had string lights on, I should note, so it wasn’t totally dark in there.) I turned it over to see my notes intact. I put the notebook aside and jumped up to run to the kitchen. The chairs were still in the positions Ethan and I left them in after our talk at the table! (They had all been shoved in before.)

Everything was normal again–

– or so it appeared. Portals like that lead to side effects, which I’ll be describing more in upcoming entries.

I checked the whole apartment and even went up to the wall where the black square portal had been and felt it. Things seemed to be okay. When Gerick got up a half hour later, it was to find me already in the kitchen, excitedly telling him of the night’s events. I didn’t tell him much by way of details, as I wanted to compare memories.

Except he didn’t remember anything! Nothing. And he wasn’t sure I could have possibly pulled off a complete memory of the evening before, yet I saw something in his eyes like a part of him knew better. When he returned from work later in the afternoon, I asked him about the Devil’s Vocalist reference again (since he was fast asleep when I asked him the first time) and he looked confused. However, when I told him the woman who said that looked like Leane’s mother and her name was Gwendolyn, he stopped and looked at me in shock.

He remembered the woman and the name from previous experiences! He’d never told me about her, either– so he knew I was definitely telling him about a memory, not a dream.

Later in the fall, another black square portal into the kitchen was created, only on the west wall– and he remembered the very beginning of the incident, though none of the rest. I was left to sleep that time, but he described details to me about the wall with the portal being fuzzed out and the window being missing– things I’d never told him about– so I had some confirmation from his end myself eventually.

WHEW! That was a LONG memory to tell. I didn’t want to short-change it, though– details matter.

For instance, the kitchen in our apartment– the front room (over the porch below) was our living room. The kitchen was the part sticking out on the left. The window that disappeared is the one with the air conditioner unit in it in this photo. The window that disappeared in Gerick’s experience later in the fal was the one closest to it (second from the left with a awning over it.)

Next week, more coping skills. You can see where knowing how these things work can come in handy with all the mental manipulation They do.

At Spiral’s End: What’s Left After the Paradigm Shatters is the personal paranormal blog of a woman that follows not only current odd events in her life, but recounts incidents from her past, including lifelong alien abductions, encounters with ghosts and other spiritual beings, and premonitions from either waking visions or dreams. She reacts and speculates about the deeper meaning behind these incidents and wonders– what is the ultimate reality or intelligence behind it all?