Status Check: I'm Okay... Just Not Quite There Yet

I’m starting to feel less discombobulated, ever so slowly…

Last week and the 2 weeks before was harsh, to say the least, and I’ve only started to feel more balanced again this weekend. I’m not spiraling or anything. I’m not feeling entirely overwhelmed anymore. The anxiety is mostly ebbing away.

The pandemic has exploded again, and Washington State joined many others in tightening up restrictions. At this point, as much as it bothers me not to see my friends or have fun in public places, I know I can make it until next summer continuing this way if I must. It sucks, but I’ll live. I’m pretty lucky in that I CAN despite all that’s going on. At least so far (and knock on wood.)

I need to get my ability to focus back better before I can go back to tackling my writing projects. However, my appetite is returning and there are other signs I’m starting to get back on an even keel again. Which means it shouldn’t be too much longer.

Otherwise, though?

I’m running away from reality as much as I can. I don’t want to deal with it or think about it TOO much. I take an hour here or there to check the news or what have you, but most of the time I’m reading, writing, or watching fiction. And comforting forms of it, too– not the heavy drama stuff.

I wish I was more resilient than that, but… I guess I can only push myself so far. I’ll do what I can and hope for being more productive and focused later. It’s disappointing, really. But wishing or even trying really hard can only get me so far and then that’s it for a while.

Worst of all, I’m not even in a mood to ruminate much. I usually have a million perspectives and opinions to offer on any given day, but currently I’m really tired of myself. Not depressed or anything, just bored with an unendingly stressful reality. I don’t have much new to say about how things are going. The word “FRUSTRATION“ continues to be the theme of my life, although mostly I am frustrated with stupidity, and that’s not something I have the power to cure, so I must simply endure the collective stupidity of portions of humanity (and the self-righteous egoism of both stupid and not-so-stupid portions) as best I can.

And the beat goes on..