Overall, since the election for president was decided, my anxiety has lessened and my mood has brightened.
But it was a long slog through a bad year, and there are more months of slogging to come yet. And I suppose I find myself quite exhausted by it all…
I lost a $20 Patron, and it may be they can’t afford it, but it may also be that I haven’t been producing very much lately. In all honesty, I haven’t been truly on a writing streak since my divorce. It was one thing after another after another and I’m not a super resilient person when it comes to such things. Especially in dealing with writing of this nature, that dig deep into some very harsh realities that many people don’t believe are even possible. I’m stubborn, and I haven’t give up– I won’t give up! But it takes patience to deal with my slow pace, and I know not everyone possess such a patience. I don’t blame them for walking away.
Almost daily I face a deep fear of failure. I’m terrified of not being able to get things done, but too tired to really get at it.
I long to relax and play, and I don’t feel I’ve “earned” play unless I do some work, and I’m not doing enough work!
Then I feel sad and grumpy and can’t handle any other stresses for a time.
Lather, rinse, repeat…
My hope is that I’ll shake off this reluctance to face my own paranormal past and get on with it already. I know I will, I just wish I’d feel better faster. For what it’s worth, I’m doing everything I can to get there as fast as I can! I swear I am trying.
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