Self-Healing #6: The Types Who Attract Narcissists

More on this series by Dr. Ramani! She is rocking my world!

This subject touches me deeply because I’ve been accused of being a “Drama Llama” by former friends and that barb stung! I am a passionate person, but generally quiet and warm and certainly prefer to avoid melodrama. Though I won’t shut up in the face of that which is obviously harmful to me or others, I don’t like pumping up negative energy because, quite frankly, with my background, that shit scares me! (I bitch privately, but some of my intensity is PTSD over-reaction.)

I’ve long suspected that I’m “extra juicy” to the types that feed on melodrama, however, and I’ve already written about Sociopaths and how they are attracted to people like me because our unfiltered reactions are indeed fodder for their brand of evil.

Moving on to Narcissists, I believe we’ll find the same dynamic at work. I’m not a bad person seeking drama, but those who are seek out ME. What makes some people more vulnerable to the dangers of a narcissist?

Dr. Ramani’s video here: www.youtube.com/watch

FIVE TYPES OF PEOPLE WHO ATTRACT NARCISSISTS

1. Deeply Empathic People–

Those who care a lot about others tend to be very reactive and mirror others, including any narcissists they meet. And Narcis LOVE that kind of intense attention! It feels like mainlining the drug of validation. So they want to keep the Empathic person around to feed their ego and give them that understanding. The Empath ends up being sucked into a cycle of placating a demanding Narci, ultimately exhausting themselves.

~ CHECK! I qualify! OMG, I did that with ex Gerick daily–! Until around menopause when my ability to assert myself got much stronger, and I created more boundaries, which he didn’t like of course, and this made him look around for others to feed his ego the way I used to…

2. Rescuers–

These are the people who want to improve others around them. They can be moved to rescue a Narci because they may see the excuses Narcis use (some of which may be true) as to why they’re so messed up. Rescuers let others move in with them way too early in a relationship, they give or lend money out too easily, they’ll call in favors for a Narci, and just get sucked into trying to save someone who can’t be saved. Narcis commonly use the “Pity Play” very early after meeting someone, and then the Rescuer gets trapped.

~ Thank gosh— NO! But I know a few people who are rescuers who’ve been sucked into a Narci bullshit circle. Being raised by a con artist really helped me avoid this crap. I watched him lure in rescuers as marks, so… no thanks!

3. Die-hard Optimists–

Overly positive balls of sunshine don’t have the defenses needed to realize that bad people are around and have terrible intentions! Narcis exploit this lack of sense. Narcis know that Die-hard Optimists will find their few good qualities and run with it, ignoring all the bad things. That works great for a Narci, so they are all over that shit. Being told they’re wonderful by an Optimist is a drug to a Narci. Many positive people have their Pollyanna understanding of the world smashed after being pulled into a relationship with a narcissist, thus losing their innocence.

~ Nope! I can be pretty grim on the regular, as regular readers well know! I’ve seen too much evil too young to think everyone has some good in them. Uh-uh! Fuck that.

4. Die-hard Forgivers–

Our culture has been really big about forgiveness for decades now, but there is a serious downside to not writing bad people off, giving up on them, and walking away. Forgivers give second, third, fourth and more chances– which means Narcis get to hurt others with impunity. Narcis see forgiveness as permission to keep going with the bad behavior. Forgivers keep expecting Narcis to change, to feel sorry, to wake up to goodness one day. Often Forgivers were raised with religion that bolsters this belief in forgiveness healing all things. But… no.

~ Not me either. I grew up with a father who apologized weekly for abusing me… but then he kept abusing me. So I knew his words were bullshit, and further I was forced to forgive him. If I dared say otherwise, I knew he’d escalate his psychological abuse. My mother preached forgiveness of this whole dynamic, so I came to see the dark side of forgiveness early, and my life has 100% validated this.

> SOME PEOPLE NEED TO BE THROWN AWAY
5. Grown Children of Narcissist Parents–

You’d think people who grew up with Narcis would spot them and avoid them later in life. Unfortunately, they’ve been raised to expect that they must prove themselves in order to be treated well by others. I call them ACoNs or “Adult Children of Narcissists”. ACoNs are trained to expect Narci behavior as pretty normal, so they don’t protest it strongly enough. Instead, they rely on the work-arounds they’ve developed to deal with their own parents to deal with the new Narcis they come across.

~ YES. Both parents, so… I’m double screwed here. And again, I put up with Gerick’s misbehavior because it wasn’t that weird to me.

All good to know!

I’ve developed a strong NO in response to people pushing me as a defense to being railroaded by Narcis my whole life. Now that I no longer live with a Narci, it’s hard to soften my push-back sometimes, but I’m learning.