Self-Healing #8: Pointing Out Narcissists To Others

This is an important one for me, because I’ve been targeted by Sociopaths/Narcissists repeatedly, and I am tired of it! I would like to explain to the Clueless, who so easily get converted into Minions (also known as “Flying Monkeys” by Dr. Ramani) who turn against me when this dynamic pops up. So how to explain to those people what it is we’re facing?

Dr. Ramani’s answer: www.youtube.com/watch

~ To begin with, it is very difficult to tell people about a Narci in their midst, because just pointing it out generally backfires.

The Truth-teller gets labeled a “labeller” who dares to define people and put them into a box. They will be called petty, unforgiving, overly sensitive, trouble-making and even called a narcissist themselves! Quite often, the Truth-teller will be gaslit by others who refuse to see what is shown to them because it means they have to change their stance on someone, and people don’t like changing their minds.

~ You can’t call out a Narci, and you can’t openly expose a Narci to others, it causes fierce backlash and invites revenge!

You may go Gray Rock, avoid contact, or set boundaries– and even THAT much can often encourage others in the system to try to shame you. But if you dare to label a Narci what they are openly, open support for the Narci is often the result because agreeing with the victim/truth-teller means admitting to siding with a bad person and most people can’t stomach that.

~ It can be difficult to stomach the dual life of everyone thinking the Narci is so charming when behind closed doors they abuse their victim. The victim can feel sick knowing that their cries for help will go unheeded.

~ It can be impossible to get anyone to believe the victim without a recording of the Narcissist actually abusing them or doing nefarious deeds, because protecting their reputation is so important to a Narci that they usually cover their ass and foment good surface relationships with people they see regularly.

** So, get recorded proof– got it! =^/

~ Watch out for this “Disbelief Dynamic” at play in situations like clueless couples therapists (or others) who insist all problems are 50/50. They will play right into the Narci’s hands and enable them to victimize the partner even more.

~ Companies are very risk averse and want to manage problems, so they don’t have an incentive to deal with problem people who are Narcis, especially since some Narcis in some positions do very well for the company in general. In such cases, the victims calling them out will be vilified and blamed. If you go to H.R., make sure you have detailed and lengthy documentation, and do NOT label the Narci as a Narci. Only refer to their behaviors, not to what their behaviors actually make them.

~ BOTTOM LINE: Do NOT expose them!

~ When you bow out of the system, simply plant the seeds of doubt and let the Narci hang themselves with their own behavior. It’s best to step away and say that the relationship is not good for you and leave quietly (but for those seeds I guess) and let the truth come out on it’s own.

I have to say this is massively disappointing! Basically, you have to just take it, try to duck from it, and then leave it. There is no winning with these assholes as the shit is going down. Justice only comes eventually… years and sometimes decades later!

I don’t know that I can agree with that. You get evil assholes like Hitler and Stalin when you just… let it go! Granted, most Narcis are far more petty and pathetic, like my Mumsie Monster, but honestly, it pisses me off that people just refuse to listen.

Instead, in my life, I believe in educating others around me so that if a Narci pops up in my life again, I can point them out to my loved ones and be reassured of support and resistance. A group can protect you better than walls!