Mumsie Called & I Avoided Her Drama-mongering

Yesterday my mother called…

Keep in mind my mother has refused to speak to me over the phone claiming she can’t hear anything. She heard just fine when she spoke to me this time! Yet another example of how my mother manipulates things. (However, in this case, I’m perfectly fine not speaking to her on the phone!)

She asked how Erica and her cat Prince were doing, and I happily informed her that they were both settling in very well, actually! Reporting that Erica wasn’t the least bit sad, and was in fact thriving, was very satisfying. My mother likes to think Erica can’t make it without her, when the miracle is that she manages with her.

Mumsie then claimed her house was a mess because she couldn’t bend over and pick things up… which is total bullshit because what was her excuse from the age of 47 until well into her 70s when she could pick things up easily?! Her house was horrific all through that time as well! And what about her daughter picking things up? Or all the people who have offered to pick up things in her house for free-? She cherishes her grime and trash, but she can’t really say that, so she comes up with a myriad of excuses. What’s hilarious is her offering them to me– she knows I know better! My best guess is that she was fishing to see if I was planning on going down there to clean up while she can’t guard her trashy treasures.

But I refused to be pulled in and my only comment was: ”Oh, I’m just looking after Erica and her kitty. I’m no where near your home, so I can’t offer any help that way, practically speaking.” She seemed mollified by that.

She made all kinds of comments about how things could go wrong or fall apart, and I kept cheerfully reporting that I had all contingencies covered (because I actually do!) She brought up how Erica couldn’t be alone again, and I just replied, “Huh. That’s not what you agreed to 5 years ago…” and then I changed the subject. One battle at a time here!

Then Mumsie reported that she was actually recovering nicely, and she sounded very cogent, so she wasn’t on high doses of pain killers anymore. I had already heard from Dora (through Erica, because my aunt STILL won’t contact me directly) that this was the case, so Erica is likely to be going back at some point, but I sincerely hope that their rubbish pit of a home is mucked out before then!

Finally, she said she loved both Erica and I, and rather than parrot the sentiment back, I said, “I’ll pass on your message to Erica.” Heh!

The thing I felt great about during and afterwards was that I never got pulled into her drama bullshit. She has always known how to press my buttons and get me worked up, like– within seconds! My mother just couldn’t push a single button nor pull a single string. I was cheerful and polite and honestly felt very shruggy about it all. And…

… I could tell by the end of the 5 minute long phone call that Mumsie was both disturbed and disappointed. I could completely and easily read her voice cues and there was no doubt. She wanted Erica to be upset without her and me upset by her. Maybe so she could report back to her sister and who knows who else that I tried my best, but I just did [INSERT AWFUL THING HERE], and couldn’t help myself, but she loved me anyway [MARTYRSHIP BLAH BLAH]. I gave her nothing to complain about, but plenty to wonder about!

That– was so satisfying!

I believe it’s how I’ll handle her from now on, as a crazy person who really doesn’t matter anymore, but I’m simply too courteous and classy to be obvious about my lack of respect or concern! It’s like turning the game she always played with me on it’s head. Now she gets upset while I’m too “above” it all to engage with her dramatically.

Because she didn’t get much satisfaction from calling me, I’m betting she doesn’t call very often after this, and that suits me just fine!