We Have A Plan!

After talking to Dora this weekend, it seemed like maybe we were heading in the right direction, but I wasn’t sure how cooperative Mumsie would be…

Mumsie called me today, and I nervously– but determinedly!– called her back. She suggested getting another place with Erica– but I pointed out that made no sense, given the situation they had now wouldn’t work. So then she angled to move in with Erica into the mobile home we want to set up for my sister, and I said regulations said it could be no bigger than 900 or so square feet, and it would be a 1 bedroom thing for 1 person by LAW, so that was not an option. There was no room for her in the large house I live in either, which has stairs to all bedrooms except mine. (Cat wouldn’t allow Mumsie to live here anyway! But I’m avoiding saying that if I can.)

Also–? No fucking way am I going to care for my mother myself. Forget it! She burned that bridge 20 years ago, and I’m not inclined to rebuild it.

She mentioned going into a nursing home, and admitted it may be her only option (!!!!)  But then she bitched about how expensive it was for both rehab and extended care. I said it made no sense when she was on Medicare, and she admitted she could get cheaper, but she’d have to give away all her assets and only got $70 a month allowance if she goes that route. Naturally I shrugged– and…? So she can’t go out shopping-? She can’t really do that NOW with her issues, and she doesn’t know how to use Amazon or anything and won’t use Wifi or the internet.

However, she then admitted that no matter what, she knows her house needs to be cleaned out. I said I’d come down and do it in September, I have oral surgery and other things happening for a couple or 3 weeks that need done first, but then I could come down. She mentioned having other people do it, and I asked her if she was planning on accusing them and myself of stealing from her again? She changed the subject, but it was clear she knew I was onto her tactics to protect her hoard of garbage. She still said I could come down and help and we’d talk more.

Clearly, she’s hoping to manipulate me to agree with her if she pushes, but I won’t– however, in the meantime, I can help get my sister ready to move and her house ready to be sold. Mumsie is at least agreeing to THAT much.

Dora called today and spoke to my sister Erica, who again told her she wanted to live with me at Heron Hold. Then Dora told her to tell me to call her– so, nervously, I called her to back to see what was up.

Firstly, I congratulated her on getting Mumsie to admit she needs to sell their house and move into assisted living! “Kudos to you! I didn’t think it was possible when you mentioned it, but she’s actually discussing it like a real possibility now.”

Then I told Dora I got my mother to agree to let me come down and help clean the place and get it ready for sale– but Erica would be going back to live with Mumsie for a few more weeks to a couple more months (I’m thinking before Halloween at the latest) to help her out and pack her own things and get ready to move permanently in the meantime. Then Erica will move back in with Cat and I and get all her services transferred to Washington state and our little Kitsap area.

Dora was stunned at my progress. She actually sounded upbeat and hopeful for the first time in a while, and was amazed that Mumsie was agreeing to let me help clean and prep her home for sale. She even laughed a couple of times, likely in relief! She congratulated me back for helping move the plans further along.

I know to start Mumsie agreed to things to get Erica back to help her, but Erica said she wanted to go home for a while one more time, and I’m facilitating whatever my sister wants or needs in this case. She wants to go home and pack properly and see our mother. I, in turn, would be happy to have more time to work things out on my end and gird my loins to face the fight I know is coming when I actually help start the cleaning process with a hoarder who accuses me and others of stealing every time we muck out her home.

It appears we have a plan. Erica will go back for a few weeks, pack and take care of her own things, and then move in with Cat and I until her own mobile home is ready (which I hope will be affordable with what Erica gets from the sale) and– Dora can work out what happens with Mumsie because I have no ability nor inclination to care for her in person, nor do I have the money. But in helping my sister, I’ll help Dora by default, so there you go!