Sister's Case Manager Says I'd Make A Great Case Manager

I had a Zoom meeting with my sister’s social worker case manager, and we went over the plans for the month as to helping my sister move out from the condo she shares with my mother.

I know I won’t have a lot of meetings with her anymore once my sister is up here, so I tried to make sure that I said everything I wanted to communicate with her clearly– including that the conditions my sister lived in were unacceptable, and I felt tremendously guilty about it, but I couldn’t go head to head against my mother without my aunt’s backing, not successfully.

Then I told her my plan of action and that I was the “irresistible force” to my mother’s “immovable object”– the only person who could win a contest of wills with my mother, which is why she sabotaged me with her family. I kept taking away her hoard! I stated that I understood you can’t be polite with crazy, or think people who are mentally ill can be magically cured with patience and love. And she laughed and said that I’d make a great case manager!

I understand that for the high compliment it is because only people who have been “down in the trenches” of truly dysfunctional family life understand how awful it can be and how difficult it is to negotiate better conditions for those who are neglected or abused. The person making all the trouble is the one MOST catered to in our society, while the victims of it lack heroes to fight for them. I get it in a way few people from more average home lives can, despite all the chatter you hear on the internet for PTSD and victims.

Finally, I could tell she’s very pleased with me and hopeful my sister has a fighting chance at a better life because of me, and that feels good too. Not saying it won’t be tremendously difficult! But knowing someone objective who knows about my mother and is rooting for me helps my sense of confidence for sure.

I can’t say how well I’ll manage all of this once I’m down in it again, but I have no false sense of optimism. I know love doesn’t conquer all, and sometimes you have to be harshly truthful to a stubborn old woman who ruins the lives of everyone around her for selfish reasons, even if it really doesn’t feel very good. I’m not scared of losing the love of my family– she took that away already and I know I can make another family from my friends. I no longer love my mother, so her disapproval and lack of (pretense) of love doesn’t affect me. My mother’s done her worst, and her quiver is out of arrows.

The point is, I have nothing to lose, and lots to gain by standing up to her, and I think that’s the key here. I can’t back down, and I won’t… because I can’t.