Dream Pushes Me To Ask For Hypnosis Help Again

The next incident I want to explore in my partially-recalled but-with-holes strange memories is about an incident in 1977 or so that seems to be related to a possible kidnapping by some Navy personal of my entire family on the Oregon coast to ask us about an alien abduction/UFO event earlier on a Saturday night. I only recalled bits and pieces of it, but the parts I recall are disturbing, and– to top it off, I know my family “lost” a Sunday that same weekend because my father was obsessing over it on the drive home– on Monday. He had to pay for 2 nights instead of 1 at the motel we stayed at when the event happened and he couldn’t believe we just slept over 24 hours– without getting up to pee or anything?

I was the only one that remembered more, but I was a kid and there was a huge feeling in me that it wasn’t safe to talk about it openly to anyone.

Tomorrow I’m going to write to my therapist, who is also my hypnotherapist, to start the process of figuring out what we want to do to tackle that set of memories. I’ve mentioned it to her before, but all the shit with my repeated illnesses and dealing with my mother and sister last year completely derailed me.

But this morning I woke up from a hazy dream that seemed to be about that incident, and in the background, Aurora was singing, “Under the water, we can’t breathe, we can’t breathe. Under the water, we… die. So why do we jump in? Why do we jump in? Under the water, we die.” The song starts out being sad and confused, but then the tone changes to one of determination… and I woke up silently weeping. I’m so tired of carrying the weight of whatever that thing is that happened so long ago.

I suspect that whatever happened destroyed my parents, who, in turn, nearly destroyed me.

I could be wrong, of course. And I’d be okay with that, but since I’m in an angry mood that’s lasted off and on for months now, due to dealing with my mother’s issues, I may as well use that to bolster my courage in facing something I suspect is going to hurt a lot to face.

Why do we jump in? I think I know…

I’m carrying poison from some awful things that have happened to me. I’m ready to release that, even if it means I ”die”. And honestly, aren’t there worse things than death? Like endless suffering?