Dora Shows Her Regret for Our Being Out of Touch for 20 Years

Last night Dora called me back days after I left a message that we got Erica’s credit union account set up and she wanted to make sure she understood, plus she apologized for taking so long to get back to me. And I went over “the plan” for getting Erica her own money and everything, and Dora said to keep her updated, she just wanted to know what to expect, and I said “absolutely.”

I went on a little bit about how Erica could be taught things, with a few repetitions, and my mother did her no favors not teaching how to live in the world, but with assistance I was confident we could get my sister to a secure, if modest, place in life. I expressed my concern about taking care of my sister myself, so I was trying to make sure there were back up plans if anything happened to me, because I don’t want that worry on my chest.

Then my aunt shocked me utterly, she started to cry and she said, “I want you to tell Cat and Reese that if anything happens to you...” and at that point she lost it for a second or two, “… if anything happens to you to please tell me!”

I reassured her that we were back in contact now and it was a done deal. I told her I have her contact information and would make sure that this is understood. “I’m not leaving you out of the loop on my end anymore,” I said. “And I’d really like it if you’d keep me in the loop on your end, too.”

Then she actually said that it was like a chunk out of her life when we weren’t in touch, and she was tearful again. I agreed and said I didn’t like it. It hurt a lot. Yeah… twenty fucking years we didn’t speak to each other because of a stunt my mother pulled! My hope is that now that Dora has had to deal with mother’s bullshit she can understand better what really happened way back then. Because now I’m helpful and kind and polite and on top of things as best as I can be. Maybe now she’s FINALLY SEEING THE REAL ME!

She never did before, and it’s a weird place to find myself. Maybe people dying is poking her to pay attention to what really matters? I don’t know.

I didn’t get emotional back when she got emotional, which is weird for me, but I think I still feel too unsafe allowing myself to be anything other than “practical” and on top of things. I can’t be vulnerable with either her or my cousin, or with anyone in my family, quite frankly, for a long time, if ever! For once, I’m the calm and sane one while the all-powerful aunt Dora of my childhood and youth loses her shit on the regular. It’s an odd switch-around…

A part of me is just still so skeptical. I keep wondering if she’s going to end up undermining me or outright attacking me. Maybe caring for my mother wore it out of her? In which case, she deserves it! She was such a bitch to me almost my entire fucking life, you know? If she’s reached the point where she’s worn down enough to actually be grateful to me, then it’s about fucking time! I’ve always been a good person who deserved better than I got my whole damned life and I’m tired of proving to people that I’m not “secretly evil” because assholes who actually ARE secretly evil are actively sabotaging me!

Maybe, just maybe… there’s hope?