Processing & Enduring

Last week I was just resting and digesting the Lunasa weekend, thinking things over, AND dealing with a couple of horrible migraine days as well. The biggest ritual Amara and I did was to help us focus on our careers, and it seems to have helped, since I worked on aspects of my books that I haven’t touched in months to years at this point!

My goal is 2 to 3 days a week working on my books, and I actually think I can do that. I’m feeling deflated facing it all again though– I have so much work to do! I wrote the initial memories out over the course of many years, but compiling those writings into chronological order and then elaborating, adding drawings (SO many drawings are needed!) and polishing the language and updating my comments is going to take me months. I have the rough draft for 3 or more books DONE already, but the 2nd and 3rd drafts (the 3rd being the actual book before editing) will take some doing.

And I don’t wanna!!!

I know that’s stupid. I worked through why it’s stupid at our Lunasa Labyrinth ritual. And as I said, it helped and I’m refocusing now much better than before. But I still have a shit ton of work to do, and facing that is daunting to say the least. But you know what–? What the hell ELSE am I doing that’s worthwhile? Only my pagan program!

And I need to make money. My alimony goes down starting in September, and I would prefer to stay off the Disabled roles a while longer, at least until the bullshit with my mother’s estate is settled (and that hopefully soonish!)

Meanwhile, about 2 to 3 days a week on average have me dealing with migraines, and while they’re not as often or as powerful as last summers-? I’m still quite put out that I have to endure these little pain and nausea festivals! I’m stuck in my dark room almost half the week. Honestly, I’m just relieved I didn’t have them while at the Abbey! I think the altitude helped for some reason. I could feel my body wincing as we approached sea level again… Duly noted!

I also got the first real sunburn I’ve had in YEARS from that 4 hour long labyrinth ritual. We should have gone inside to put on sunscreen before we started, and I knew that– but we were both impatient to do the deed and then paid for it later. Yet another lesson re-learned by someone who knows better by now! I can be so foolish sometimes!