Not In the Mood...

After I worked at Michael’s Arts N’ Crafts for several years, I wasn’t in the mood to do “Xmas” for a while. A few years, actually. Nothing kills the holiday spirit quite like working retail! I got it back, naturally– and even during my divorce, I found it a lovely respite from “normal life.”

But–! This has been a truly uncomfortable year. So much going on and I just am not feeling it this year. So when Cat said she didn’t want to put up our Yule tree, and instead ran a tiny string of lights up our rubber plant (which is quickly becoming a tree) I didn’t protest.

We’ll still exchange cards and gifts with friends and family, but that’s about it. We’re both not as flush as we used to be, so being more conservative in spending is prudent. But that wouldn’t affect decorating with things we already have– it’s just that it doesn’t feel worth it to expend the energy just now.

I think everyone in my household suffers from at least a little Seasonal Affective Disorder. We’re all a bit blue– and now that the rains have returned in earnest (after quite a nice “Indian summer”) it’s even darker than ever. We’re all getting by okay, but any extra effort seems like too much of a hassle just now.

That didn’t stop me from treating myself to a Sims 4 expansion pack during their 60% off Black Friday sale, though! Yeah, right now petty distractions are what I’m all about. Anything to get by until I am in a better space.

I am hopeful about that, though, luckily! I can tell some fundamental emotional work has been bearing fruit at last. I’m more stable, less anxious, and more functional in general. I’m stunned by some of the positive growth I’ve had in mental health!

Yet I’m also very tired. It took so much damned effort to get to this point, and more ordeals are looming on the horizon. So… I’m opting to take the easy path for the small amount of time I’m granted because I can sense that shit will get real messy in the not-too-distant future.