So I Joined A Grassroots Organization...

As I watch a coup unfold and law and order either gape dumbfoundedly or surrender uselessly, I find exhaustion, rage, and despair fighting for dominance in my personage.

I almost let depression end me last year. I didn’t! Mind you, I fought back and now, despite everything, it’s behind me. Some events have occurred (more in my next post!) that also woke me up a little and reminded me that I’m not alone in all of this. Not by a long shot!

I suppose I had to mourn, though– it’s a HUGE thing that’s happening now. The Old Normal is gone forever. Not that I loved the Old Normal, but I had learned to work with it and I had ideas and plans for it. It was a quiet, unassuming background life that I had reconciled myself to– enjoying an eccentric but mostly anonymous place in the scheme of things.

Boring, yes. Mostly pointless, also yes. But I found a way to be semi-contented in between the ongoing fear that has always dominated my life!

Then… well, then everything I had visions of for years upon years from childhood to my twenties/early thirties began to come true. Details varied in those visions, but a general theme was very firmly established. I didn’t know Donald Trump would be a thing in it until his first election, but it was after 2016 that I could see the writing on the wall that all those “crazy” visions of the future could actually be true. Which was stunning. When I had some contact tell me last summer that it was a done deal, Trump would win again and this time the visions would be coming true– I was beyond saddened. I never wanted to be Cassandra. Who does?

I needed to be sad. Not suicidally depressed, but I think some down time to just feel how awful it was going to be soon and digest the new reality that was coming was necessary to function later and not be stunned and frozen like so many are today.

So I got help, and I acknowledged that it really, seriously, was going to suck soon, and I could do nothing to stop it.

Then Trump took office and shit hit the fan in a big way, as bad as I (and many others) have predicted. Having both houses of Congress and the Supreme Court mostly backing every step made it so easy for him and his cronies to do the unthinkable, and very rapidly indeed!

One ingredient required for “rational” depression is hopelessness stemming from helplessness. If you don’t think you can change your fate, you surrender to circumstances, even if that means giving up on life. But if rising up and DOING SOMETHING seems possible, especially with social support, then we have a very different visceral reaction, don’t we?

Something amazing happened in January. It gave me a new outlook and offered hope because I realized that, behind the scenes, things are indeed happening. Intelligent forces are scrambling. The waiting time is over. And a sense of massive relief struck me. I’m not in limbo anymore (or at least, soon won’t be) and the very things I’ve been preparing for my entire life are now becoming a reality.

And I wanted to do something! One the ground, right away, I decided to consider helping the people who are protesting against this craziness. Cat looked into Indivisible first, and new chapters of that are opening every week all across the country. (They are the ones responsible for the recent town halls with empty chairs or dudes in chickens suits representing the Republicans who refuse to hold town halls with their constituents.) So I looked into them first– just as a chapter opened for our small town! I can’t march, but I can sit in a seat and be a voice. I can help others to get information they need. And– maybe most importantly, I won’t feel alone as I join others who know how bad our nation has become.

Indivisible is definitely grass roots. It’s ordinary people, mostly retirees!– who just want to say something and do something. No one is paid, I can absolutely attest to that. No one has to be. There are a LOT of people who are genuinely and deeply disturbed and angry at what is going down these days. America is joining “The Bad Guys” and who could possibly be cool with that? Um, bad guys– that’s who!

Another group that has popped up very recently is the “50-50-1″ group or “Fifty fifty one.” That came from their first national protest in 50 state capitals and Washington D.C. They ended up having many more than 51 protests though. To their surprise, people showed up all over, with hundreds of protests, on that first day they organized. Now, it’s a thing. And groups like Indivisible and 50/50/1 work together on some things. The 50/50/1 group is younger people doing more marches. Whereas Indivisible does Tesla protests (standing around) and town halls and is mostly people with gray and white hair. But similar issues and aims for sure.

We’re just barely getting started, but I’m not even exaggerating a little when I say membership is exploding! Every week new chapters of both organizations are opening and more “actions” are being planned and implemented. Most of the people in Indivisible were either hippies back in their youth (it’s Boomers) or pessimistic Gen Xers who have just had it already.

I must say, even though my ability to do much is severely limited, I really do feel better joining fellow rebels against the machine, ya know? Like, all threat of depression was completely erased. Even with the migraines returning, I’m still bound and determined to not go quietly into that good night! Something about not feeling alone while watching the world implode makes a massive difference.

It’s difficult to say where all of this will go. However, I prefer being proud of myself regardless of the ultimate outcome (which I tend to believe won’t be the Bad Guys winning, despite their every effort.) Right now, as a human dealing with the insanity of some other humans, finding sane compatriots to join to fight for democracy feels like the right move. I fear reprisals, yet the mood boost I get following my conscience more than makes up for that. Which is saying a lot for someone who has lived her life in fear. At a certain point, some things matter more than fear.

This is that point.

Source: https://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/1719272.html