March of the balloonheads

During President Donald Trump’s European vacation, leftists with too much money and time floated a balloon the size of a small car which depicted Trump as a cartoon infant, dressed in a diaper and holding a cellphone. In the world of the self-proclaimed “resistance,” it was genius-level trolling. In the world of modern journalism, it was front page news. In the world of people who have finished with puberty (both physical and mental), it was ridiculous.

However, in today’s world of “everything that aims to make Trump look bad = above the fold headline-worthy,” the “baby Trump” balloon moved up to the lead. Over the weekend, the pro-treason hate group Code Pink announced a fundraising push to secure immigration for the floating temper-tantrum. “Help us bring the baby Trump blimp to Trump’s military parade in Washington, D.C.,” implores Bowe Bergdahl’s biggest fans. It should be noted that the parade in question, which enjoys the support of nearly no one in uniform — ask a veteran about parade duty — is scheduled in coordination with Veteran’s Day. A vile collection of shrieking, virulently anti-American, harpies will turn Veterans’ Day into a full-on freak show, complete with condemnations of what they call “a celebration of death and destruction;” all to show up a guy who never served a day.

And the “Trump baby” balloon has company. The 33 foot-tall “Trump Chicken,” which first debuted at a leftist hate rally in San Francisco last year, has been spotted in the California city recently and is the subject of a crowdfunding campaign to defray costs related to inflating the thing and dragging it around. If the baby balloon is ridiculous, the chicken balloon is just plain embarrassing. It’s grade school trolling, a helium-filled acknowledgement that liberalism, despite being bolstered by all the cool creative kids in Hollywood, is intellectually bankrupt. When the left aren’t calling everyone who didn’t have an “I’m With Her” bumper sticker “Nazis;” declaring Trump, his staff, his supporters and even his kids “traitors” who deserve to be raped in prison; and/or lauding under-educated 28-year-olds and insane great-grandfathers for their embrace of socialism as the “future of the Democratic party,” they’re spending nearly six figures on balloon animals.

Time was, stories about emotionally-unstable people acting like “mean girls” who’ve been put in charge of prom decorations would have been classified as “kickers,” and relegated to that final segment of the local news at 11. You know, when the newscast came up short, and they had to fill what would otherwise be awkward cross-talk between the talking hairdo anchor and the less-attractive talking hairdo who just delivered a three-day forecast, the accuracy of which couldn’t be guaranteed past the next 12 hours. Weird people, doing weird things which were weird enough to chortle about before reminding viewers that they were watching the only local newscast that truly cares about them, and to stay tuned for reruns of Seinfeld.

Nowadays, the kickers are not only the lead float in the parade, they’re the star attractions of the Democrats’ road show. I suppose that makes sense, considering the boxes of loose wingnuts like Code Pink used to represent the extreme leftward fringe of the Democratic Party are now the heart of the “resistance.” For a party which is currently lurching leftward toward communism, weird balloons are kinda perfect. At least they won’t have any trouble finding hot air to fill them.

— Ben Crystal

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