The WIRE: Your week in review

From 80s music bitchin’ to Beto’s kitchen — and most points in between — it’s time for a look back at the week that was. Personal Liberty Digest^® presents: The WIRE!

BREAKING: As an undergrad at Yale, Brett Kavanaugh got in a scuffle at a bar during which he was accused of throwing ice on another patron over a disagreement about the band UB40.

OK, the ice-throwing we can live with. But he liked the song “Red Red Wine?” Impeach!

As we prepare close the book on one of the sadder sagas of recent American history, let’s remember: One of these men rose to an extremely powerful position in the federal government after sexually assaulting a girl in high school in the 80s.

The other is Brett Kavanaugh.

When former President Barack Obama was just a wee community organizer, he got high w/the “Choom Gang,” did a bunch of blow and partied with real life terrorists like Bill Ayers. Brett Kavanaugh drank beer and farted at beach week. (But warned the neighbors ahead of time.)

Guess which one liberals think “lacks the proper temperament” for an incredibly important federal job?

After their run-in with Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) last week, liberals continued their practice of threatening and committing acts of violence against political opponents, including an assault in XXX’s Capitol Hill office. Yeah, you guys are handling this super well.

What were you saying about “lacking the proper temperament?”

The Democrats also resorted to claiming Christine Ford’s accusations must be true since false rape accusations hardly ever happen.

The Duke Lacrosse team called. They said the guys accused by Tawana Brawley, “Mattress Girl” and “Jackie” from “UVA” said “hi.”

With the Dems shifting to decrying the very investigation they demanded and still not one shred of evidence against Judge Kavanaugh, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (a lot more R than he used to be – KY) called for a cloture vote on Friday and a full confirmation vote on Saturday.

“Cocaine Mitch” is through screwing around.

McConnell’s grand plan may need to wait until Sunday, however. Senator Steve Daines (R-MT) announced Thursday that he would be back home in Montana Saturday to walk his daughter down the aisle at her wedding.

Incredibly, someone in this freakshow has their priorities right.

I’m not sure if they really thought this whole “Stop Kavanaugh” thing through.

“Phase 2” = “Take copious hallucinogens.”

Looks like it’s time for them to admit to themselves that all these Kavanaugh protests failed.

Vote Democrat! At least we tried.

Women’s (sic) March harpies brought their shriek-a-palooza to the Hart Senate Office building Thursday afternoon, drawing attention to the tremendous job the U.S. Capitol Police do. And how about the janitorial staff?

They’ll never get the smell of failure out of there.

North and South Korea began removing land mines from the DMZ that has separated the two nations for 75 years this week. I’ll take “things which weren’t even a pipe dream during the Obama regime,” Alex.

“Ya think they’ll let us share the Nobel with Trump?”

Some excitement at the Pentagon this week when mail containing the toxin ricin was discovered. Secretary of Defense James Matti was one of the addressees. You tried to assassinate Mattis — and screwed it up? Enjoy whatever’s left of your life, buddy.

You come at the Mad Dog, you best not miss.

Wednesday’s test of the Presidential Alert System went off without a hitch… as long as you don’t count the liberals, who freaked out like they do about every damn thing.

Trumpnet began to tweet at a geometric rate. It became self-aware at 2:18 p.m. EST, October 3, 2018.

Led by liberal hate blog Think Progress and remnants of Bernie Sanders’ 2016 backers, leftists continued calling for violent reprisals against conservatives “where they sleep.” Really? The soy boys and the Man Haterz clubs want to pick an open war with the most heavily armed civilian population on the planet? OK, bring it.

The last guy you sent got sent back in a body bag.

The New York Times dropped the hammer on President Donald Trump this week. They released an exhaustive report revealing that Trump’s father, Fred C. Trump, made a bunch of money and left as much as he could to his kids. The nerve!

Freaking white guys and their good parents!

Jackson Cosko, the staffer arrested for doxxing GOP senators in a failed intimidation tactic this week, was a staffer for multiple Democrats, most recently Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (LOL-TX). Her office claims he’s no longer with them.
Yeah, now that he’s fulfilled his purpose.

Guess now we know what was in that mysterious envelope.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (DERP – NY) says she’ll be “inaugurated” into office next January and will be “signing bills into law.” Have we considered the possibility that the people of New York’s 14th Congressional district are sending Chiquita Khrushchev to Washington to get her the hell out of their neighborhood? Imagine listening to this gibbering ex-bartender all day, every day.

“We can finally drink in peace.”

Democrat Robert “Beto” O’Rourke skipped last week’s debate with Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) for an awkward Facebook Live presentation from what appeared to be a lonely residential kitchen. To be fair, O’Rourke says he wanted to take on Cruz..

…he just couldn’t find a designated driver.

And that’s your week in review! For the Personal Liberty Digest^®, I’m Ben Crystal saying, “See you next week, on The WIRE!”

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