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Makow Epiphany -- I am an Egotistical Person

Tuesday, August 13, 2019 17:29

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(left, not Pat)

The recent death of an acquaintance due to cancer

made me ask, “why couldn’t I have been her friend?”

by Henry Makow PhD

Marijuana is legal in Canada. I was high last night and had an epiphany.

I talk the talk but I don’t walk the walk. Not sure I want to.

When I published my first collection, Cruel Hoax – Feminism and the NWO in 2007, a “Pat Oliver” from Toronto sent $20 for a copy. She was the first person to buy the book and it meant a lot to me.

I wasn’t sure whether this was a man or woman. Turns out “Pat Oliver” was a tiny Chinese woman in her late 70′s.

Pat got into the routine of correcting my articles — typos and spelling mistakes etc. To thank her, I would take her out for dinner whenever I was in Toronto. Often we’d end up in a noisy Chinese restaurant on Dundas St. and I could hardly hear her. My spellcheck got better and she wasn’t needed.

She had had storied life in China and Malaysia. Worked as a secretary in Montreal. Moved to Toronto. Heavily committed to traditional Catholicism. Followed the conspiracy. Tried to wake up her Jewish doctors and friends without much success. Liked to attend the Jewish film festival each year.

She lived alone. Not sure if she ever married or had kids. Early on, she said in an email, “You’re nobody unless somebody loves you.”

She came down with cancer. Last May, I was in Toronto and emailed asking if she were well enough to dine out. She wasn’t. I asked if she needed anything. It was a cold rainy day and I didn’t really want to go to her apartment in the sticks. She said she had provisions, and she and her apartment were a mess. I would have gone had she asked.

She was near the end of her road. It’s amazing how lacking in compassion toward the aged we are considering we are all going to be in that position. Maybe that’s the reason.

A few weeks later, she said she was going to the hospital. I wanted to say, I will always remember you, but did not want to condemn her to death. I haven’t heard from her since and assume she died. She would have been about 87.

I wonder if she had any close friends. Is there an agency that looks after her stuff and settles the estate?

“FRIENDSHIP”

I realize I only seek friendship with people whom I like or admire, or who like me or help me in some way. I feel a universal love or sympathy for humanity, but don’t want to engage with most people as individuals.

I guess my friendships are really alliances. The truth is, justified or not, most people bore me. I wish them all well but restrict myself to people with whom I have a lot in common.

I am an egotistical person. That’s why I can do the work I do: holding up a counter view of history.

I contrast myself with my friend John Bilyk (left) who doesn’t consider self-interest in his interactions with people. He sees himself as a missionary doing God’s work. He doesn’t ask what he is getting back. He helps people even though he may find them boring or repulsive or ungrateful. It’s his “job.”

He calls his elderly dad every day and visits him 400 miles away every month even though his dad is a pain in the ass.

I ask myself, “Why couldn’t you have been a better friend to Pat?”

Why couldn’t you have acted the part so that this old lady would go to her death thinking she was a somebody? She wouldn’t know I was an egotistical shithead just playing the part.

Even her death is about me.

My Path is Truth, not Love. But maybe I’d like myself better if it were more about love. I’m not sure I’d want to be my own friend.

My beloved mother used to say, “In order to have a friend, you must first be a friend.”

Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) said, “I believe it is often with religion as it is with love, which by much dissembling, at last, grows real.”

Maybe we become better people by first pretending, and acting the part.

Source: https://www.henrymakow.com/2019/08/epiphany-i-am-an-egotistical-person.html

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