Walmart Freaks of the Week

theburningplatform.com / Jim Quinn / February 18, 2017

Valentine’s Day? That’s so 3 days ago man. It’s all about Easter now! Now clear those damn shelves of all the red and pink packaged candy to make room for all the blue and green pastel colored candies!

Apparently not everyone sat around and had a pity party for themselves on Valentine’s Day. One brave soul decided to get proactive to cure their loneliness.

Keep standing there buddy, because after you get hit by that letter, Walmart’s attorneys are sure to give you that D next.

I guess that’s one way to prepare for the coming of Aunt Flow.

I think you set the mower blades a little too low there partner.

Well shucks, this might sound corny but you’re getting some cobs to pop around here.

You laugh now, but as soon as America sees the Titty-Towel on Shark Tank everyone will be buying one.

I knew you could pick up last minute Valentine’s Day gifts at Walmart, but I didn’t know you could pick up last minute Valentine’s dates there too.

Don’t get too close, that thing may pull your phone right into its vortex and suck it right in!

I don’t care who you are, you can never be too safe. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Such an honest ninja actually paying for things. Because let’s face it, ninjas never really have to pay for anything.

Some turtles are better left in the sewer.

I imagine this is what Chester Cheetah’s jealous unsuccessful sister drives around in with her 13 kids.

It’s that special time of year. When all the single people see someone like this shopping for Valentine’s gifts and wonder to themselves how this flippin’ weird ass dude that dresses up as a stuffed animal has managed to find someone and they haven’t.

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