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Time Traveller Arrested For Trying To Sabotage Large Hadron Collider (Video)

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via Cnet

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his ‘time machine power unit’, a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.” 

Time travel and travelers are a popular topic on Before Its News.  If anybody is keeping track, add this one to the list. 



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    Total 20 comments
    • Alan

      Everyone’s in motion, therefore everyone is time traveling… its how far, and how long will it take to get there… :roll:

      “Are we there yet, ‘sigh” :lol:

      • AINT HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE - FOOLD YA\'ALL

        I bet you that guy whom has been arrested was a sphycotic sleazy American moron?

        • Fisherman

          I have to agree with you. :lol:

    • Jack F00BAR

      The video has nothing to do with whatever the hell this guy is talking about. Waste of time.

    • Who dat

      Mmmmmmmmmmm chocolate.

    • PhoenixLiberty

      I’d just like to take this opportunity to offer conveniently located accommodations to any time travelers, aliens, gods, Jesus, angels, ghosts, bigfoot, gelatinous blobs, sentient vapors, poltergeists, spirits, elementals, ectoplasms, phantoms, orbs, tentacled and non-tentacled. A room will be provided with a bed, resting bowl, or refrigerated space of 5 cubic feet. Proteins, carbohydrates, lipids, acids, petroleum, gasses, and trace elements will be offered at 4 separate times of consumption daily. Please reserve your space 24hrs ahead of your arrival. You will be responsible for arranging your own vehicle repairs, laundry, entertainment, and sexual services.

      • Idiot Proof

        But, no Tribbles, huh?

    • Beforeitscrap

      A entire world full of energy and none stop plentiful Kit Kats? How is that a hellhole!? :lol:

    • DjDoom

      Dumbest story of the year so far??

    • snowl

      Skitsofrantics are soo interesting! I wonder what the Dew has in it? Maybe he was going to clean his time machine carburetor?

      You guys ever seen Rain man? He’s probably both nuts and smarter than most in the same breath!

    • Anonymous

      MUSIC TOO LOUD MUSIC TOO LOUD MUSIC TOO LOUD MUSIC TOO LOUD MUSIC TOO LOUD
      CANNOT EVEN HERE the news audio…..

    • chunk420

      lmao.. perfect example of a day late and a dollar short… this was the exact article that showed up in april of 2009.. very nice blast from the past tho, thanks OP for the chuckle

    • chefjim

      God created the time/space continuum. He also created us and He either created us without the mental capacity to figure out how to travel in time or He made time travel impossible. I vote for the latter.

      The Grandfather Paradox

      Time travel is impossible as exemplified by the famous grandfather paradox. Imagine you build a time machine. It is possible for you to travel back in time, meet your grandfather before he produces any children (i.e. your father/mother) and kill him. Thus, you would not have been born and the time machine would not have been built, a paradox.

      Perhaps the craziest of the time travel paradoxes was cooked up by Robert Heinlein in his classic short story “All You Zombies.”

      A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. “Jane” grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically convert “her” to a “him.” Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.

      Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by fate, “he” becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop’s Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the “time travelers corps.” Both of them enter a time machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes pregnant.

      The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time travelers corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together, becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travelers corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop’s Place in 1970.

      The question is: Who is Jane’s mother, father, grandfather, grand mother, son, daughter, granddaughter, and grandson? The girl, the drifter, and the bartender, of course, are all the same person. These paradoxes can made your head spin, especially if you try to untangle Jane’s twisted parentage. If we drawJane’s family tree, we find that all the branches are curled inward back on themselves, as in a circle. We come to the astonishing conclusion that she is her own mother and father! She is an entire family tree unto herself.

    • Liam Vandy

      It was the Doctor.

      THE Doctor :eek:

    • Factory Farms FEAR the MooCow

      :lol:

    • Geeper

      He must have escaped and travelled back five more years, the internet is now full of the same quotes from April (Fool’s Day) 2009!

      Sigh. Did you even read as far as the second paragraph, Mort? “Infamous baguette sabotage”?

    • AndreyE

      more yellow BS, this site can take ANY amount, just bring it on

    • Hououin Kyouma

      John Titor failed. We are in the wrong worldline. Do not worry however, this is truly the choice of Steins Gate.

      El. Psy. Congroo.

    • Don't be hating!

      BELIEVE! ITS OUT THERE

    • Molech

      this is an april fools day joke from like 2010

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