Mighty midget bodybuilder crushed by barbells

Europe was stunned this week when Xenon Arcadian, the world-famous midget bodybuilder, was crushed like a bug. A huge barbell fell on him.

Mighty midget

Arcadian, who stood only 19 inches tall, gained fame throughout the Continent for his daring feats of amazing athletic prowess.

Throughout his career, legions of fans admired the mighty midget. He tirelessly dragged amusement park trains with his teeth; wrenched gasping, topless bathing-beauties twice his size high above his head; and braved countless television studio interviews by climbing up onto rickety chairs built for giants more than three times his height.

Grueling workouts

The diminutive bodybuilder also kept a grueling daily workout schedule.

He’d often start his day by swimming 10 kilometers in icy waters. That was followed by an exhaustive 20 kilometer run over rugged hillsides choked with weeds and six-inch boulders.

After a brief cool down, Arcadian would work out for six hours with various deadweights interspersed with rounds of intensive boxing with his sparring partner: a professional boxing kangaroo fondly named after the late Hollywood actor, Dennis Hopper.

Bowling buddy

His gym buddy, Marco the Magnificent, remembered how the little guy loved bowling. “I used to carry him on my shoulder like a monkey and sometimes when we bowled Xenon liked to pretend he was a bowling pin. He only got hurt a couple of times.”

Arcadian with Marco the Magnificent

Sad funeral

Arcadian’s grieving parents [seen in the accompanying photo during happier times], refused all comment at the sad funeral. They were last seen driving away with Hopper the kangaroo in the back seat of their car.

Some funeral attendees believe the tiny coffin used to bury Arcadian was custom-built by a local workman who specializes in constructing birdhouses. The tiny casket was adorned with miniature carvings of the bodybuilder’s favorite dumbells.

Personal trainers grieve

Arcadian’s grieving personal trainers

Although never married, Arcadian is survived by his bevy of Eastern European trainers [see photo]. The girls accompanied him everywhere day and night and were said to keep him in top physical form.

APRIL FOOLS’!

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