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The Best Layoff Letter EVER!!

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The post The Best Layoff Letter EVER!! appeared first on .

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    Total 6 comments
    • Old Harry

      Actually that was very funny and truthful at the same time.

    • AxisOfEvil

      Poor companies….. Having their taxes increased…. that is so much worse than having to feed a family of 4 on minimum wage.

    • James Smith

      Smiles, thank you I really needed to laugh out loud while I was studying sophisticated Armour piercing projectiles. I use to work for a company as a kid helping with the designs of 33 different types of exploding tipped, also M-81 mortars to 500 pound bombs. My new custom design is a bullet in a bullet high powered hardened medal piercing to go through both sides of stage 5 bullet resistant dragon vest.

    • Fox Maine

      Works for me

    • desertspeaks

      wonderful if it’s real, if it isn’t, IT SHOULD BE!

    • stfree

      Dear Ex-Boss,

      As one of the sixty loyal employees you recently laid off, I was chosen to write this notification. Thanks for the opportunity.

      Your choice of layoff criteria was really interesting but maybe a bit short-sighted. By choosing the “Obama sticker on cars” method, you may not have realized who you laid off.

      Here’s the list: CFO (MBA), your CIO (MSMCSE), HR Manager (BS), head of product research (PhD Physics) six senior engineers (2 MSEE, 4 EE), two division sales managers (2.1M gross), 8 area sales reps, 10 sales administrators, 2 production engineers and 18 production associates.

      Once the shock wore off, we began to contact each other, at first just to network but later we realized that we are a valuable resource to each other. We met a few times and it became apparent that we comprised a tight core of professionals who are experienced, knowledgeable and highly motivated. The big question was, what line of business should we persue? Of course, you have guessed the obvious answer – we’ll be your new competitors!

      Our 401k rollover accounts will serve as excellent collateral to capitalize our new venture. John’s brother has a vacant facility that will serve perfectly – it’s just 4 miles away but in the next county where Jane thinks we can get a business development grant. I met with the committee on Thursday and was all but promised their assistance. BTW: Did you know that George W. is the chair of that committee now? He may have forgiven but I’m sure he’s not forgotten you.

      The sixty of us met in the Holiday Inn over the week-end to plan our organization and I, Bill and Jane were elected officers. Last night we met again with our new lawyer, Hillary S. You probably remember her, she graduated from Harvard a few years ago – she’s Bill’s daughter. We have great confidence in her and were really delighted in a few things she said were options for us. We’ll let you know about those later. Something about unpaid overtime and labor law.

      A couple of manufacturers contacted me about carrying their lines as principals. This business sure has a fast grapevine. Don’t worry, they are not any of your present lines. Just the next bigger ones.

      Anyway, you always preached to us as how the capitalist system was the greatest thing going.

      We agree. See you in the marketplace. Thanks for opening the door.

      Very Sincerely,

      Walter F.
      Co-Partner
      Techni-Crats

      PS: Don and Ed (your old regional sales leaders) said to let you know that the Obama sticker you saw was on their wives cars. They happened to be driving them the day you made your selection. They both wanted me to let you know that they think “some dishes are best served cold” – whatever that means.

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