IMF: rate of banker suicides still “too slow” to prevent future global financial meltdowns

(satire?)

The International Monetary Fund has warned that despite a sharp increase in the rate of bankers throwing themselves off high buildings, the number of top bankers committing suicide is still far too low and uneven to prevent any future financial crisis from happening.

The warning comes despite news that seven senior banking executives have committed suicide over the last few weeks - however the IMF said growth in the number of bankers killing themselves is far too weak and would need to “pick up considerably” in order to ensure bankers can no longer be the cause of any further global economic meltdowns.

The IMF’s top economist said the forecast for further global growth in suicidal finance executives was barely changed from the 3.6% pencilled in last October and he said substantially more top bankers would need to “hit the ground running” in 2014 to see it pick up from 3% last year as risks of younger even more irresponsible bankers filling the dead mens’ shoes emerged.

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Yes I know – it’s not funny.

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