Swimming through the crap

Calls for stretch of River Avon to be given bathing water status as UK faces ‘endemic’ pollution problem

Experts say the UK has an “endemic” problem with river pollution due to agriculture and sewage from storm overflow…

Only 14% of Britain’s rivers meet Good Ecological Status and that figure has not changed since 2009, according to the Environment Agency. It compares poorly to France, where hundreds of rivers already have bathing water status.

Mark Lloyd, chief executive of The Rivers Trust, identified two main problems with pollution in UK rivers: agriculture and sewage from storm overflow.

This is my field and as far as I can see there is no reason why some stretches of river shouldn’t be suitable for swimming. However, if we are aiming for pristine, unpolluted rivers, perhaps we should first remember why the local swimming pool is dosed with chlorine.

As far as polluted rivers go, we are where we are after centuries of industrial and population growth. Sewage works do a good job of cleaning up our effluent, but to purify it to a level suitable for bathing we may need to bolt something like a potable water works on the end. Or just chlorinate the sewage works effluent and kill everything downstream.

As ever there are huge costs whatever the solution. To my mind it feels like yet another of those middle class fantasies like net zero carbon. One those fantasies the rest of us are supposed to pay for. Yet there is a cheaper solution, we could simply stop using toilets.

Many of us could simply dig a latrine in the garden. Schools could dig up their playing fields and create huge educational latrines. People in flats, apartments shops and offices could have a problem though, especially in cities where there are no open fields suited to latrine conversion. Parks could possibly be of some use here.

Hotels without toilets do not sound appealing and those without extensive grounds would have real difficulties. Chamber pots may be the only answer. Could lead to a boom in the pottery industry though.